THEIR TOUR TOOK a dark turn.

The 43-year-old suspect was caught shortly after bumrushing two tourists, a 47-year-old man, and 43-year-old woman — both hail from across the pond.

They encountered a crazed attacker at around 4 p.m. on Dec. 8 as they exited a tour bus that had pulled over at the heavily foot-trafficked corner of West 42nd Street and 8th Avenue.

The maniac slapped the woman, knocking her to the ground and when the man tried to shield her from further harm — the suspect clenching a knife tried plunging it into the man.

Luckily, the goon couldn't penetrate through the hero's thick winter coat.

The subpar stabbing slapper ran off and was quickly wrangled.

Both vicims with their less pleasant Gotham greeting refused medical attention.

The suspect, believed to rest his head at a homeless shelter nearby, was hit with assault and harassment.

A GLUTTON WAS caught in the act of trying to run off with an eatery’s tip jar.

It was around 5 p.m. on Dec. 8 inside Izzy’s Smokehouse where a 32-year-old made his move to run off with the tip jar (and all $35 that was gifted in it).

The man tried to make a great escape. But the workers jumped into action and grabbed hold of him and held him there until the cops arrived.

They soon made it there and hit the thief with petit larceny and criminal possession of stolen property.

HE WAS EXPECTING the XXX line. 

A 37-year-old apparently couldn’t tame his lusting loins while passing the time during the early evening on Dec. 5. 

The horndog had allegedy plugged a tablet into a power source at southbound platform of the D train station on Kingsbridge Road. 

Authorities say the suspect was getting his rocks off while glued to the device watching a flesh flick. 

Cops interrupted the stag sex fiend’s good time by attempting to handcuff the engaged pleasure seeker. 

He allegedly resisted and put up a fight, throwing a left karate kick at one of the officer’s chest, according to the criminal complaint. 

The suspect then blamed them and his future arraignment judge for cutting short his, er, release party.

“I'm trying to bust a nut,” he groused. “My orgasm for the night judge.”

The cross creep didn’t stop there. 

“He taking my fucking nut. Don't touch me. Don't fucking touch me. You know better.”

Cops searched his person and found a wallet attached to his left wrist. In it, they discovered a glassine sleeve filled with crystal meth. 

The unsatisfied, crank-loving buster continued raving. “For busting an orgasm? I don't give a fuck. I'm a watch that shit anywhere." 

He was taken to the not-so-sexy clink. 

And formally hit with criminal possession of a controlled substance, public display of offensive material, petit larceny, and criminal possession of stolen property. 

The same pent-up perp had already been in the law’s crosshairs. 

He was booked in Manhattan on Dec. 19 for a crime that occurred on Nov. 8. 

The same suspect was caught robbing a tenant at their Upper West Side apartment at around 1 p.m. on Nov. 8. 

The crook wasn’t in hanky-panky mode this time. But he was allegedly determined to swipe valuables such as a wallet and laptop inside the home on West 99th Street and Broadway.

But the tenant confronted him and shooed him away. 

Wanted posters that were plastered in the nabe helped cops spot the suspect on Dec. 19.

They affected a bust and he was given the business for burglary, grand larceny, and resisting arrest.

A PHILLISTINE MIGHT have thought he got away with it.

Only Lady Justice is a patient one.

The 45-year-old was allegedly stirring up trouble on the night of March 31, 2024 outside of a Latter-Day Saints church.

The house of worship located on 60th Street off 9th Avenue was met by a deviant who took it upon himself to smash up a glass door and a church window by hurling a projectile.

The suspect racked up a pretty penny in damages.

He was roaming free until Dec. 7, when investigators finally took him to the dance with criminal mischief (hate crime) and criminal mischief (damage property in excess of $250).

In 1999, the S&P 500 peaked. Then it took 14 years to gradually recover by 2013.

Today? Goldman Sachs sounds crazy forecasting 3% returns for 2024 to 2034.

But we’re currently seeing the highest price for the S&P 500 compared to earnings since the dot-com boom.

So, maybe that’s why they’re not alone; Vanguard projects about 5%.

In fact, now just about everything seems priced near all time highs. Equities, gold, crypto, etc.

But billionaires have long diversified a slice of their portfolios with one asset class that is poised to rebound.

It’s post war and contemporary art.

Sounds crazy, but over 70,000 investors have followed suit since 2019—with Masterworks.

You can invest in shares of artworks featuring Banksy, Basquiat, Picasso, and more.

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_{*Investing involves risk. Past performance is not indicative of future returns. Important Reg A disclosures: masterworks.com/cd.}

THEY SQUARED OFF in the street with the rock puffer getting the better of it.

The 31-year-old was jawing with another man, 31, at the corner of 132nd Street and Liberty Avenue over one thing or another at around 8:30 p.m. on Dec. 21.

Their beef graduated with the suspect pulling out a blade and swinging it wildly — slicing the victim’s lip.

Cops were called to restore peace and simmer the melee.

They recovered the bloodied blade and also some crack on its owner’s person.

The wounded man was rushed to a hospital to get stitched up.

The suspect was formally charged with assault (with a weapon), weapons possession, and criminal possession of a controlled substance (crack).

A DAUGHTER’S SPAT with her pops ended with him being rolled out in a stretcher to prevent him from losing an eye.

The 18-year-old was inside a home on Almeda Avenue on the morning of Dec. 20.

Mean words were exchanged and the teen somehow found in her hand a knife and she used it to go after her 69-year-old dad.

And her aim was true, striking him, WHAM, in the eye.

The man was rushed to St. John’s Hospital and managed to prevent his untimely demise.

His daughter was taken into custody at the scene and charged with assault (person 65 or older).

WHY SO FIERY?

A 23-year-old didn’t have a lot of answers as to why he allegedly destroyed a Hyundai (and also damaged a Honda).

At around 5 a.m. on Oct. 23, the suspect reportedly poured incendiary fluid all over the hood of a 2019 Hyundai Elantra that was parked on St. Mary’s Avenue off Tompkins Avenue.

The man then lit the car up causing it to go boom. The blast hindered a 2010 Honda Civic as collateral damage since it was parked nearby.

FDNY Fire Marshals secured CCTV footage showing the suspect, who hails from the Bronx, setting the car fire.

The suspect was formally charged on Dec. 5 with arson and criminal mischief.

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THREE ARMED GOONS took the Poke Court store for about $100,000 worth of card merch when they raided it.

They stormed in with guns hammers at around 6:45 p.m. on Wednesday and shattered several glass partitions holding collectible cards of the popular table game Pokémon.

The store made a statement in the aftermath: An update on tonight. Most importantly everyone is safe. No one should have to have a gun in their face while enjoying their hobby.

OPPORTUNISTIC THIEVES JACKED a driver’s rims. The targeted white car was relieved of its wheels while parked on 88th Street and Madison Avenue back on Dec. 5.

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*When perusing The Blotter, know that arrests do not constitute guilt, and all suspects are innocent until proven guilty. Moreover, the reported items are merely a snapshot of a criminal matter – what is known at the time of publishing. In most cases, the persons arrested for breaking the law haven’t been convicted (yet). It’s also possible that the charges brought against them may be reduced or even withdrawn.

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