THE BLOTTER
ISSUE № 0085 — 03-14-26
BY: M.L. Nestel
Illustration by Rob Weiss
The Blotter.* A roundup of happenings in Gotham’s mean streets (and from time to time the tri-state region). Each item provides a staticky glimpse into the sleepless city’s peripheral misdemeanors, felonies, and misadventures.
⬛ MANHATTAN
▀ Chelsea: Invader Punched, Choked, And Ripped Off Tenant
AN OPPORTUNISTIC FIEND knocked on an elderly man’s front door and when upon its opening — he suckerpunched him.
The 33-year-old stranger somehow gained entry into a building on West 24th Street and 7th Avenue minutes before 10 p.m. on Feb. 4, according to the criminal complaint.
The door opened and the punk landed a powerful blow, dazing the 65-year-old resident.
He then got into the flat and started to choke the man. As the victim was blacking out — his attacker was stocking up on his stuff.
The perp then pranced away.
Medics treated the victim and he was treated on the scene for minor injuries.
But he wouldn’t get very far.
Cops tracked down the suspect and he was formally charged with burglary (of a dwelling causing injury), assault (victim 65 or older).
⬛ THE BRONX
▀ Concourse Village: BB Gun Packing Goon Locks Woman Out Of Home
SHE WAS BAMBOOZLED and suddenly homeless.
Dec. 18 was like any other day for one woman returning to her apartment located on Grant Avenue off East 165th Street — blocks away from Yankees Stadium.
Only on this late afternoon, when the tenant tried to open her door, the locks appeared to have been changed.
That apparently was the doings of the 63-year-old landlord.
When she tried to compel him to rethink his decision, he supposedly made clear he was armed and not to be crossed.
That source of confidence came in the form of a pistol stowed in the center console of his sofa. (Even though it turned out to be a BB gun.)
Notably, the suspect allegedly failed to give the woman proper notice before tossing her into the streets.
She rang authorities and the landlord was brought up on a variety of charges such as unlawful eviction and weapons possession.
⬛ BROOKLYN
▀ Bushwick: Greedy Grubber Stiffs Eatery
HE ATE, DRANK, and lounged around at a restaurant for a while.
But when it came time to square away the bill he made a huge fuss.
At around 8 p.m. on Feb. 1, the 27-year-old was dining at Mi Cholulita Bella Restaurant located on Dekalb Avenue.
He allegedly gobbled down some tortilla chips and chowed down on soup.
Then he washed it down with a Corona.
When the bill came, the man turned especially hostile and refused to pay.
Cops were called by the restaurant’s manager and the cheapskate was brought up on theft of services.
⬛ QUEENS
▀ Jackson Heights: ‘Give Us Everything’: Ski Masked Goons Mug Man Of Cash And Clothes While Parked At Rx Parking Lot
THEY PILLAGED HIM at the CVS parking lot.
A man seated in his parked car outside the pharma chain located on Northern Boulevard and 90th Street at the wee hours of Halloween was given an ultimatum to relinquish his stuff at knifepoint.
It was just before 2 a.m. when the man was met by two knaves in black ski masks.
The first punk, 20, started to chat him up with some tittle-tattle while his crime partner was rapping to someone on a cell phone.
Both turned especially steelish and got in the driver’s face. Then, a third posse member appearch beside them as if he had been teleported from space by Scotty.
The cell phone gabber and the new arrival pulled out knives and one of them hissed, “Give us everything and open the vehicle,” according to the criminal complaint.
Outnumbered and unarmed, the driver acquiesced.
He opened the driver’s side door and also popped the trunk.
The perps then snatched various clothing items belonging to the helpless man.
From the trunk they nicked a hoodie and jeans. And they scored a pair of sneakers from the victim’s backseat.
They also demanded the driver’s wallet. He handed it to them.
In it was $1,200 cash and his driver’s license.
‘Give us everything and open the vehicle.’
At one point while the crew was fleecing the man of his valuables — the ski-masked mopes conversed; and one aired his first name.
That slip resulted in a stern rebuke by the other ski-masked thug. “Shutup,” he snapped back.
Investigators kept on the trail and with the first name in hand — they caught up to two of the trio.
Each was hit with numerous counts of robbery and grand larceny.
One of the thieves remains outstanding.
⬛ STATEN ISLAND
▀ Arlington / Granitville: Dope Pusher Nabbed Packing MDMA In His Undies, Pummeling Person With Slungshot
HE WAS KEEPING ecstasy pills extra close to his crotch and went to town on a poor someone’s face with an improvised weapon.
Two years ago, at around 6 p.m. on Aug. 16, inside a home on South Avenue off Arlington Place when the perp, who was 25-year-old at the time went medieval on a person.
He allegedly loaded a sock with keys and a pipe and then savagely clocked the person several times with the slungshot (otherwise known as a “lock in a sock”).
They also discovered a scale from the suspect’s duffel bag.
A half hour later, cops turned their attention to a Richmond Avenue townhouse and found a stash of ecstasy.
In fact, the officers collected two different versions of pills — one pile were blue triangular pills and then the bulge in his underwear where cops report he had been keepsaking tan triangular pills, the papers say.
The suspect went down for several charges including drug possession with intent to sell and assault for the ferocious facial.
⬛ GOTHAM, INK
▀ Graffopoly (New York, NY)
«SOURCE»
⬛ EVIDENCE ART
▀ Nutty Bilkers (Bronx, NY)
TWO SHIPPING CONTAINERS were targeted by squirrely suspects who made off with 60,000 pounds ($50,000 worth) of shelled walnuts.
The protein purloiners lightened two 52-foot trailers resting in a Hunts Point address. They took off with palets of the boxed shelled walnuts meant to be distrubted to various stores.
The missing cargo remains outstanding and the authorities claim the walnuts may be fenced to less scrutinizing vendors, wholesalers, and distributors around the city, according to a release by state cops.
NY State Police: Businesses and members of the public are urged to be cautious if approached to purchase large quantities of packaged walnuts, especially if the product is being offered at prices significantly below market value or under suspicious circumstances.
«SOURCE»
⬛ ET. AL
▀ Rimless Lambo (New York, NY)
A POOR SOUL from Jersey was gonna have to figure out an alternative route over the river. Their luxurious Lambo was found raided of its wheels while parked on the Belt Parkway and Cohancy Street.
«SOURCE»
▀ Spitter Gets Unlucky Open Door (New York, NY)
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▀ Ride Hitcher (New York, NY)
▀ Hippitty Hoppity (New York, NY)
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▀ Tagging Walls + Sliding Doors
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▀ Taunting Fuzz With 150MPH Holland Tunnel Pass (New York, NY)
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*When perusing The Blotter, know that arrests do not constitute guilt, and all suspects are innocent until proven guilty. Moreover, the reported items are merely a snapshot of a criminal matter – what is known at the time of publishing. In most cases, the persons arrested for breaking the law haven’t been convicted (yet). It’s also possible that the charges brought against them may be reduced or even withdrawn.
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