HOW DID SHE find herself locked up despite claiming she was nearly killed?

A woman, whom The Blotter is calling "Jane", was clobbered by her live-in ex who choked and bludgeoned her with a Guinness.

Jane claims she fought back with whatever she could grab before blacking out: in this case a vape pen and a cologne bottle.

The 36-year-old woman's suffering was evident in her stitched-up face when she spoke to The Blotter. Despite this, Jane is dealing with criminal charges in the domestic dustup.

The mother of two children (ages 13 and 2) who works as a chef recounts what transpired outside Queens court in Kew Gardens, heading to her basement flat in St. Albans back on Aug. 14.

Her ex, 44, rang her several times her on the phone. When she finally picked up, he allegedly makes a most dire threat: "I'm gonna punch you in your face."

She quickly hung up.

Once she gets home, she's first greeted by the embrace of her daughter.

The woman recalls walking to her bedroom to get dolled up for a birthday celebration with her restaurant coworkers.

But Jane saw the monster was already lurking.

Jane called her coworker who had dropped her off to her home and pleaded, "Turn back!"

But her friend needed superpower speed.

Because the ex pounced — digging his nails into her, punching her face and bashing her forehead with a Guinness beer bottle. He then choked her to the point that Jane blacked out.

When Jane came to, she was lying down.

In each hand she remembered was a cologne bottle and a vape pen.

The first instinct was to start "swinging".

At some point the suspect who allegedly beat her into brief comatose suffered a stab wound.

But Jane is at a loss.

"I don't remember stabbing him," she attested.

Her friend finally arrived. As did the cops.

Despite her dizzied state, the woman gathered her strength to tag along with officers to ID her attacker who had driven off. He was swiftly found sitting in a parked car nearby.

"They asked me, 'Is it him?'"

She answered, "Yes, it's him."

The aggressor faces assault with a weapon (the Guinness), strangulation, menacing, and acting a manner injurious to a child less than 17-years-old.

But prosecutors also charged Jane with assault with a weapon causing injury.

The now victim defendant claims she later awoke in a hospital bed cuffed at the ankle and wrist.

The woman who suffered and was fearing how to go forward (given she still shares the home with the beer bottle choker) claims she feels like the authorities have gone too far.

"I don't understand how somebody can attack you and you end up being the criminal," Jane said.

Overcome with the wretching feeling coming out of court, Jane bluntly states how in this case, "The victim becomes the villain."

THEY WEREN’T EATIN’ good in the neighborhood.

An audacious patron challenged three others before midnight on July 21.

The 24-year-old suspect was chowing down at Applebees located in the heart of Times Square on Broadway and 50th Street.

Somehow fighting words were leveled at a trio and they didn’t go over well.

They tangoed and the suspect used a knife to slash one man in his left leg and another to his hands and both legs.

All three were rushed to Bellevue Hospital and treated for the stab wounds.

Their attacker was taken down shortly after and brought up on assault, menacing, and criminal possession of a weapon.

HE WAS LORDING over the kind of domicile where men come and go at their pleasure. 

A 30-year-old skin peddler was inside a building located on Bruckner and St. Ann’s Avenues back on Aug. 6 where he was trying to offer two women up to potential johns. 

Cops say it was around 6 p.m. on Aug. 6 when he was caught in a sting.

An undercover striking up a conversation with the suspect and pretending to be keen to score some loving — was offered a chance to get lucky with two prostitutes for a C-note. 

The would-be john, according to the criminal complaint, supplied the cash. 

While doing so, the suspected pimp was extra loose with his belt bag that allegedly contained a fat Ziploc baggie filled with pink cocaine, nicknamed “Tusi”, a popular pink-hued cocaine. 

The drug became a hallmark during the rise of the ruthless Venezuelan gang Tren De Aragua in Gotham. 

The perp in this case who was suckered into exposing himself as a human trafficker — was subsequently taken away to a cage where he faces promoting prostitution and drug possession.

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A WOMAN WITH a thing for wigs went shoplifting and then lost her marbles when she was confronted for skipping payment. 

The 33-year-old woman was eyeing six wigs at the U.S.A Beauty Supply store located on Utica Avenue off Linden Boulevard midda on July 26. 

When she allegedly decided to trot with them without paying a dime — the store clerk confronted her, according to the criminal complaint.

Being accused of theft of the wigs (tallying a whopping $820) didn’t sit well with the accused. 

So rather than repent or forfeit the hot hair — she instead found a broom and took hold of it and bashed the woman with it several times. 

Cops were summoned and they caught up to the woman with the stolen wares in her possession. 

Under questioned, the woman allegedly copped to the larceny. 

“I did take the items,” she stated, the papers say. 

She continued: “I intended on paying for some of it but I

walked out because the employee embarrassed me in front of people.”

The bashful fleecer was busted for robbery (with a dangerous weapon) assault with a weapon, assault of a retail worker, criminal possession of stolen property and weapon possession.

A SLICK RICK diving into the crowded sea for dinner — locked his beak on a live one. 

That being a tourist hopping off a jet at Terminal 4 in JFK Airport and looking to get a lift to his Midtown hotel. 

It was around 11 p.m. on May 21, when the mark was propositioned by a driver. 

“I am JFK taxi service,” was the 27-year-old’s austere pitch. 

Despite its zero frills tone, the traveler took the bait. 

And just like that they were rolling away in the suspect’s blue 2025 Toyota en route to the Marriott Hotel in Times Square, the criminal complaint reads.

Once there, the driver informed the fare that he was on the hook for a grand total of $563.64. 

He asked the victim, “Can you pay cash?”

The sticker shock apparently stunned the passenger. 

And why shouldn’t it? 

A flat fare from JFK is $70 (minus tip), according to the airport’s official website.

The driver was hoping for dead presidents but had to settle for squaring the eye-watering bill with Apple Pay. 

Afterward, the victim reported the excessive charge by the unsanctioned driver who never utilized a meter. 

He was subsequently nailed for fraudulent accosting and unlawful solicitation of ground transportation services.

A WOMAN WAS roughed up and her coat pocket destroyed after getting targeted by a tough who was caught months later lifting several chapsticks. 

She was walking along Henderson Avenue at around 1 a.m. on Feb. 16. 

The woman was walking along and minding her own beeswax when the 45-year-old desperate deviant confronted her and snatched her bag (containing her AirPods) and ripped her pocket off her jacket perhaps hoping she was stowing more loot. 

He allegedly took off. 

But authorities tracked him down on the night of June 25. 

The same perp had been loitering inside a Target store on Forest Avenue. 

He allegedly tried to take off with 11 (yes, that number isn’t a typo!) Burt’s Bees lip balms that he pocketed in his pants. 

He then tried to flee without paying. 

Once stopped, authorities discovered the perp was wanted for the AirPods, coat-ripping score.

A CHAIN SNATCHER riding a Citi Bike is being pursued after jumping an old man.

The suspect pounced on a 66-year-old man walking along Sedgwick Avenue back on the night of July 25.

His target was exiting a car when he was bushwhacked from behind by the perp on the Citi Bike.

He pedaled away on Orloff Avenue and remains outstanding.

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THERE WERE MANY riders who forfeited their chariots because they failed to register them. Cops doled out 75 summonses and seized 48 motorbikes.

Robert Vaccaro (an alleged soldier) Gregory DePalma (former captain) and Nicholas "Nicky" LaSorsa (former soldier & acting capo)

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*When perusing The Blotter, know that arrests do not constitute guilt, and all suspects are innocent until proven guilty. Moreover, the reported items are merely a snapshot of a criminal matter – what is known at the time of publishing. In most cases, the persons arrested for breaking the law haven’t been convicted (yet). It’s also possible that the charges brought against them may be reduced or even withdrawn.

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