THE BLOTTER
ISSUE № 0052 — 01-27-26
BY: M.L. Nestel
Illustration by Rob Weiss
<> PULL QUOTE:‘You acting like a bitch for shit that already been done.’
-64-year-old KIA slayer
The Blotter.* A roundup of happenings in Gotham’s mean streets (and from time to time the tri-state region). Each item provides a staticky glimpse into the sleepless city’s peripheral misdemeanors, felonies, and misadventures.
⬛ MANHATTAN
▀ East Harlem: Hothead Kindles Apartment Blaze, Burning Girlfriend
HE TRAVELED FROM Long Island to Manhattan for raging revenge.
Early morning on Dec. 28, the 49-year-old bleeding heart was allegedly loitering around his ex-paramour’s apartment building located on First Avenue and East 114th Street.
The 32-year-old former fling was inside of her apartment when the punk allegedly got agressively handsy and then ignited a fire on purpose and caused the woman to flee.
But not before she suffered serious burns to her legs and feet.
She found refuge in another residential building that wasn’t in flames.
The alleged vengeful arsonist then took off and returned to his Freeport, Long Island home.
That’s where investigators found him at around 3 p.m. that same day.
They took him into custody and brought a host of raps including attempted murder, assault (with a weapon), arson, strangulation, reckless endangerment, endangering the welfare of a child, and (oddly) reckless driving.
⬛ THE BRONX
▀ Woodlawn Heights: Man Goes Rambo On Beachballing Laptop
MAYBE HIS COMPUTER was still running Windows Millenium.
Neighbors called 911 when they were stirred awake around 3 a.m. on Jan. 6.
They soon saw a 31-year-old man marched out of his home on East 235th Street off Vireo Avenue for becoming unhinged over his gizmo.
The suspect was met at his door by the quiet police.
He ultimately relented and let the officers inside. They found a smoke-filled room that had been shot up.
The suspect allegedly plugged two rounds fired from a shotgun into his laptop.
When pressed about what provoked leaded blowup — he allegedly copped to firing the shots because he had lost it over his laptop.
And so he did what every deranged imbecile does — wage ware against the machines.
The suspect was taken away and hit with reckless endangerment, possession of a rifle/shotgun, and possession of ammo.
⬛ BROOKLYN
▀ Bay Ridge: Sextortionist Vows To Send Fam Nudes Unless Woman Continues Being His Love Slave
A LOTHARIO ALLEGEDLY shook down a woman to extend a romance with him — or he would send compromising pics of them together bumping uglies to her kin.
On the afternoon of Sept. 12, authorities learned the woman was allegedly propositioned by the 42-year-old suspect.
He allegedly vowed to disseminate a tranche of “intimate and sexually graphic” pics of them together to various relatives of the victim, according to the criminal complaint.
The only antidote he dangled for her to offset the lascivious lout was for her to continue their sexual relationship.
But the woman shut it down.
And the cops moved in.
The woman’s former diabolical love partner was brought up on coercion and harassment charges.
Last Time the Market Was This Expensive, Investors Waited 14 Years to Break Even
In 1999, the S&P 500 peaked. Then it took 14 years to gradually recover by 2013.
Today? Goldman Sachs sounds crazy forecasting 3% returns for 2024 to 2034.
But we’re currently seeing the highest price for the S&P 500 compared to earnings since the dot-com boom.
So, maybe that’s why they’re not alone; Vanguard projects about 5%.
In fact, now just about everything seems priced near all time highs. Equities, gold, crypto, etc.
But billionaires have long diversified a slice of their portfolios with one asset class that is poised to rebound.
It’s post war and contemporary art.
Sounds crazy, but over 70,000 investors have followed suit since 2019—with Masterworks.
You can invest in shares of artworks featuring Banksy, Basquiat, Picasso, and more.
24 exits later, results speak for themselves: net annualized returns like 14.6%, 17.6%, and 17.8%.*
My subscribers can skip the waitlist.
*Investing involves risk. Past performance is not indicative of future returns. Important Reg A disclosures: masterworks.com/cd.
⬛ QUEENS
▀ Flushing: ‘You Acting Like A Bitch!’: Jilted Ex Girlfriend Destroys Man’s KIA
IF HE LOVED his KIA — she broke his heart.
A 64-year-old woman went full berserker on her former sweetheart’s grey 2019 KIA on two separate occasions.
He allegedly first struck in the middle of the night on May 1.
The suspect found the parked sedan on Parsons Boulevard off 157th Street and bashed the taillights and then took a steering wheel lock (maybe it was the Club!) and turned the car’s screen into shambles.
She then skedaddled.
Only to return at the same midnight hour on May 31.
The same granny allegedly finished what she started. This time the man was present while the apoplectic woman ripped up the KIA’s interior and then “slashed” its ceiling.
She punctuated the car eradication, chiding, “You acting like a bitch for shit that already been done.”
The woman enjoyed her freedoms for months. On Dec. 19, investigators formally charged the woman with criminal mischief.
⬛ STATEN ISLAND
▀ Port Richmond: Desperado Caught Smashing Driver’s Car Window, Then Rearrested For Armed Shakedown For EBT Card
A CRIMINAL MASTERMIND he is not.
A 25-year-old nomad was all hellbent on turning a profit after getting sprung.
His first mark was a driver stopped on Broadway off Cranford Avenue around 4 p.m. on Dec. 12.
The suspect allegedly charged the car and with his fist wailed on the front driver’s side window, causing the glass to shatter.
To escape the driver — the victim took off.
The perp was dinged for criminal mischief.
He would get out.
And on the late evening of Jan. 7, the same suspect allegedly sighted a 56-year-old on Sears Street.
But this time he didn’t to contend with a car.
He allegedly wielded a pistol and demanded cash.
The suspect swiped the man’s wallet. But as far as the score it was far from sweet. For he only waltzed away with an EBT benefits card and a bank debit card.
And it’s highly unlikely the perp (with all his code-cracking acumen) was able to crack the robbed man’s password to pillage his bank account.
On Jan. 11, cops tracked down the accused and brought him up on robbery (with a gun), grand larceny from a person, menacing, and criminal possession of stolen property.
⬛ GOTHAM, INK
▀ Off Rails (New York, NY)
«SOURCE»
▀ SEEN (Bronx, NY) - 1998
«SOURCE»
▀ Subway Scribbles (New York, NY) - 1980
Credit: Bruce Davidson
«SOURCE»
⬛ NYCTALGIC
▀ TKTKTK (Spanish Harlem, NY) - 1970
Credit: Bernard Gotfryd
«SOURCE»
▀ Savage Nomads Gestapo Division (Bronx, NY) - 1970s
«SOURCE»
▀ Lenox Avenue between 127th & 128th Streets, Harlem, NY) - 1991
«SOURCE»
▀ Subway Stairwell (New York, NY) - 1980s
«SOURCE»
▀ Blizzard Of ‘96 (New York, NY)
Credit: Robert Rosamilio
«SOURCE»
▀ Newsie Commute (New York, NY) - 1963
«SOURCE»
⬛ ET. AL
▀ Kook Kook Train (New York, NY)
TEENAGE TOOLS TOOK the controls of a W train and rear-ended another one.
«SOURCE»
▀ Snowy Donuts (New York, NY)
«SOURCE»
▀ Frozen Aisle (Brooklyn, NY)
«SOURCE»
▀ Teen Train Surfer Glides Into Station (Jackson Heights, NY)
«SOURCE»
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*When perusing The Blotter, know that arrests do not constitute guilt, and all suspects are innocent until proven guilty. Moreover, the reported items are merely a snapshot of a criminal matter – what is known at the time of publishing. In most cases, the persons arrested for breaking the law haven’t been convicted (yet). It’s also possible that the charges brought against them may be reduced or even withdrawn.
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