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AS FAR AS mastermind criminals — one man doesn’t make the cut. 

A 45-year-old may want to try a square life (you know, 9 to 5, barbecues and baseball games) after failing royally at trying to compromise ATM machines. 

Plural. 

At around 6:45 p.m. on March 22, a 45-year-old was busted after attempting to disassemble an ATM machine in the lobby of TD Bank located on Madison Avenue near West 33rd Street. 

The suspect was spotted trmoving electronic components. But the effort was hopeless because he came up with zip. 

And by the time he realized he was going to fail to score any profit, the cops were making it a party. 

The downtrodden deviant had already had a taste of the bad life dating back to Dec. 20, 2018, when he was caught outside a bank ATM on Chatham Square. 

The same accused was captured installing a skimming device. 

He was now facing criminal mischief (damage property over $250) and tampering with/destroying physical evidence.

A MAD WOMAN kicked and screamed at a health care referral service. 

The 30-year-old was inside the Friends and Family Home Care Services when she allegedly lost her temper. 

The office clash occurred at around 3 p.m. on  Jan. 3 inside the storefront on Southern Boulevard and East 163rd Street. 

The woman started spewing disagreeable fits before striking a worker’s legs, right hand before grabbing hold of his chain and ripping it off his neck. 

The woman’s attack was only punctuated by her chomping the man’s hand and then throwing a series of punches to his face. 

Cops took the suspect into custody and charged her with assault (with physical injury,) harassment, and criminal mischief (damage property).

THEY CAME FOR cash and inflicted a savage licking. 

A woman and her colleague were inside a building located on 

Nevins Street by Schermerhorn Street on the late night of Jan. 31. 

A man was holding a fat envelope filled with $2,500. 

He entered an apartment. 

The pair knocked on the door and when the man answered and opened the door — they struck up a conversation. 

Suddenly one of the two garrulous strangers slugged the man. 

The cohort then produced a blackjack and used it like a professional thug. 

After several pops to the man’s face, the two took off.

The near comatose man came to and discovered the cashed envelope was gone. 

Investigators hunted down one of the two suspects and charged her with 

burglary (of a dwelling/with a dangerous instrument), robbery (with a dangerous instrument), grand larceny, criminal trespass, and criminal possession of stolen property. 

Her crime partner was still being pursued.

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SHE WAS STUNNED to discover she was driving someone else’s wheels. 

A 24-year-old woman was joyriding in a grey 2022 Mercedes-Benz with Pennsylvania plates. 

The cops initially caught onto the woman navigating along Wyckoff Avenue at around 10:30 p.m. on Feb. 4. 

That’s when the suspect was spotted in the car (with excessively tinted windows). 

When stopped, the officer requested her driver’s license. And the woman couldn’t produce it. 

She then appeared to be in a state of shock. 

“This is not my car,” she marveled. 

Then she hit the gas. 

And the chase continued.

The woman was traveling at around 50 MPH and crossing over double yellow lines — forcing one car to swerve out of the way to avoid a head-on collision. 

An unmarked cop car tried to track the woman down but lost her. 

They found the Mercedes again and captured her. 

Once under, the woman was found to have her license suspended twice in the past two years. 

She was hit with unauthorized use of a motor vehicle, driving without a license, reckless driving, and fleeing police in a motor vehicle.

HE TOOK POT shots at an acquaintance. 

A 36-year-old lowlife was spending time in a woman’s Woodbine Avenue home when he went into attack mode. 

The punk was arguing with the homeowner (an acquaintance of his) at around 11:30 a.m. on Feb. 25, when he allegedly tossed her to the floor and then choked and punched her face. 

The assault led to the woman suffering a shiner on her right eye and caused her to suffer duress that affected her breathing. 

The perp ducked capture for a few days. At least until March 3 when he was taken into custody and arraigned on burglary, strangulation, assault, criminal trespass, and menacing.

TRIO CAUGHT SMUGGLING raw opium into Gotham.

The arrested were ID’d as Luigi Esposito, Salvatore Luisi (a soldier in the Genovese Family) and longshoreman Frank Visciano.

NYPD Detective First Grade Joseph Guarnieri was shot dead 112 years ago this month by a wanted bandit.

On April 2, 1914, William Horgan, 55, had sought out saloon keeper Charles Moser, who had testified against his son, Thomas "Puggy" Horgan, during a grand jury proceeding at Manhattan Criminal Court earlier that day.

"Puggy" had been arrested a month before for robbing the wife of a canal boat captain for $110 in the hallway of a building at First Avenue and near East 99th Street.

Moser had witnessed the robbery. 

The elder Horgan confronted Moser outside his saloon at First Avenue and East 103rd Street about 5:30 p.m. He pulled out a revolver and shot Moser in the right shoulder, puncturing his lung.

Horgan fled towards Second Avenue and Moser, with the help of his bartender, stumbled to the East 104th Street station, the current day 28 Pct in East Harlem, where he sought help.

He identified Horgan as the shooter and four NYPD Detectives ran out to hunt for him, among them 30-year-old Det. Joseph Guarnieri.

Det. Guarnieri and the Horgan family were no strangers. 

Earlier that day, Guarnieri had also testified at the same grand jury hearing against Horgan's son, who went down for the robbery.

Cops ran on a tip claiming the elder Horgan was hiding out inside a four-story tenement on Second Avenue and East 97th Street.

One detective was dispatched to the roof, the other remained at the front door and Guarnieri and his partner Lt. George Haerle combed the fourth floor  searching the home of Richard and Margaret Fitzgerald.

While searching the flat, Horgan, who was hiding behind a curtain in the bedroom, ambushed the two cops, shooting Guarnieri in the head. Lt. Haerle, who was standing behind Guarnieri returned fire, hitting Horgan in the chest and head, killing him.

The Fitzgerald's said they had known Horgan, who came to their home moments earlier, apparently liquored up and begged them to hide him, claiming two men were after him and to turn away anyone who came looking.

At the time of the shooting, Guarnieri had returned to work only a month earlier after recovering from four times in the basement of a saloon on 12th Avenue and West 54th Street, while hunting for murder suspect Raphael Gross, on July 4, 1911.

His partner returned fire, killing Gross.

In the 1911 Gross shooting, Guarnieri had been honored with the NYPD's gold medal for bravery. He had worked seven years with the NYPD, lived in the Bronx and left behind a wife and three children a girl 4, a girl 3 and a one year old son.

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*When perusing The Blotter, know that arrests do not constitute guilt, and all suspects are innocent until proven guilty. Moreover, the reported items are merely a snapshot of a criminal matter – what is known at the time of publishing. In most cases, the persons arrested for breaking the law haven’t been convicted (yet). It’s also possible that the charges brought against them may be reduced or even withdrawn.

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