A kinky crook was caught red-faced and red-handed. 

At around 5:30 p.m. on Oct. 30, a 62-year-old horndog was putting on a solo freakoff show inside a Target store located on 54th Street and 10th Avenue. The suspect was allegedly caught masturbating within eyeshot of a female police employee.

And after she informed her police counterparts, they were waiting for him at the front of the big box biz. 

There, they say the lovesick suspect tried to quietly tiptoe out. But officers were waiting for him. When they took the man into custody they searched him. In his jacket, the arresting officers found two glass crack pipes with burnt rock residue caked on. They also discovered six (count’em!) Plus One vibrators. 

“Sorry boss, I forgot they were in there," he allegedly confessed. 

Target sells a variety of Plus One — including a model that is priced at $24.99. 

The filched adult merch was returned, while the pervy perp was then hauled away and dinged with exposure of a person and lewdness, (expose body in public) for pleasuring himself in the store aisles, along with petit larceny, criminal possession of stolen property for the dildos. He also faces criminal possession of a controlled substance for the crack-caked glass pipes. 

The suspect pleaded not guilty at his Halloween arraignment and is scheduled to reappear before a judge at the end of January, court records show. 

HE PICKED ON someone far from his own size and age.

A 46-year-old bully allegedly snuck up on a teenage boy while he was strolling with friends along East 233rd Street back at around noon on Nov. 13.

The perp allegedly cornered the kid and brandishing a switchblade squealed, “This is my block. Get off my block.”

Freaked out of his mind, the boy ran to a nearby gas station.

The man trailed him and then snatched the boy’s phone from him. He then peeled away in a car.

But cops were able to positively make him outside Laconia Avenue and found that he also had on his person the stolen boy’s phone. However, the switchblade was missing.

The man faces menacing, petit larceny, weapons possession, acting in a manner injurious to a child, and possession of stolen property.

HE'S ALL ABOUT etiquette.

Emily Post probably ripped this page out of her galley.

The one about showing respect or you might have your face rearranged.

That’s how one 56-year-old hardass played it on the intersection of Knickerbocker Avenue and Troutman Street versus an 80-year-old engaged in a chat with another fella.

It was around 6:45 a.m. on Nov. 13 when the 56-year-old rule ruffian stepped up to the elder.

“Don’t be disrespectful or I will cut you in the face,” he allegedly groused in passing.

He wasn’t posturing.

The shitstarter drew a blade and after shoving the elder around a bit — he used the weapon and sliced the man’s mug. Officers in the vicinity caught sight of the bloody ambush.

They corralled the suspect and seized the knife.

The struggling victim was whisked away to Wyckoff Heights Medical Center where he was stitched up. Charges of assault (person over 65), menacing, weapon possession, and drugs were all brought forward.

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HE REALLY DIDN’T like the cut of a rabbi’s jib.

A 30-year-old came in contact with a rabbi while navigating along Babbage Street near 85th Avenue at around 2 p.m. on Nov. 18.

The rabbi claims he spotted a man in a grey jacket and light trousers him and holler at him and then out of nowhere fire a rock that struck his face.

The quick-thinking rabbi took a snap of the rogue flamethrower. He took that evidence to investigators and they cracked the suspect’s ID.

When they quizzed the accused he allegedly didn’t deny his stonethrowing escapade.

“That's me,” he allegedly confessed. “That was like two weeks ago.

“I just throw rocks; I'm homophobic and that guy was smiling at me.”

The suspect’s candor landed him raps for assault with a weapon as a hate crime, and aggravated harassment as a hate crime.

He was supposed to stay away. But he couldn’t help himself. 

A 19-year-old scoffed at the lengthy protection order and repeatedly punished a woman with a series of attacks and robberies. 

The monster’s target had thought she had a safety blanket after a judge back on Aug. 6 imposed a five-year order of protection for the alleged creep to steer clear of her life.  

He refused.

At around 10:30 p.m. on Oct. 4, the suspect is said to have confronted her at the St. George Terminal (where ferries arrive and depart) and found the woman. He repeatedly slugged her in the stomach “multiple times”, according to the criminal complaint. 

The perp then allegedly brandished a knife and blabbed, “You’re lucky I can’t kill you, b—.”

As the woman was suffering from the gut blows — her attacker helped himself to her handbag that he had ripped from her shoulder and fled. The bag, the papers say, held among other things her wallet (including her school ID and health insurance card). 

The maniac would strike again. 

This time appeared at a home located on St. Marys Avenue in Fox Hills minutes before 8 p.m. on Oct. 15. 

There, the woman was terrified because the suspect pulled a knife once again. 

And he ripped her cell phone away from her hand and ordered her to go with him to his home on Brook Street. 

“Follow me,” he allegedly said, of the two-mile trek. “Otherwise, you won’t get your phone.”

She obeyed. 

But later that same day, when the woman was freed from the gutless brute — she informed the cops of being accosted. 

Investigators hauled the punk away and threw a fat book of charges against him. They include robbery, kidnapping, grand larceny, criminal contempt, menacing, weapons possession, unlawful imprisonment, assault, and harassment. 

The suspect pleaded not guilty at his November arraignment. He’s expected to return to court this month. 

▀ Old Bronx Criminal Court Nearby 41st Precinct aka ‘Ft. Apache’ (South Bronx, NY) - 1986

SNAP OF BROOK Avenue and East 160th Street where the Old Fort Apache resided.

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While ensuring the safety of the community, Your Neighborhood Safety Team arrested a 15-year-old with a firearm at Prospect Ave & East 183rd St. This area has experienced multiple shots fired.

A GHOUL COULDN’T have cared less that he was being recorded seated on subway train (apparently in the predawn hours) jostling through a sleeping rider’s left pocket. And all for some chum change.

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*When perusing The Blotter, know that arrests do not constitute guilt, and all suspects are innocent until proven guilty. Moreover, the reported items are merely a snapshot of a criminal matter – what is known at the time of publishing. In most cases, the persons arrested for breaking the law haven’t been convicted (yet). It’s also possible that the charges brought against them may be reduced or even withdrawn.

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