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THE BLOTTER
ISSUE № 00124 — 05-07-26
BY: M.L. Nestel
Illustration by Rob Weiss
The Blotter.* A roundup of happenings in Gotham’s mean streets (and from time to time the tri-state region). Each item provides a staticky glimpse into the sleepless city’s peripheral misdemeanors, felonies, and misadventures.
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⬛ MANHATTAN
▀ East Harlem: Career Criminal Fails To Blow Man’s Head Off At Apartment Door
HE SHOULD HAVE kept the door shut.
A 67-year-old man took incoming at the entrance of his home.
He was allegedly woken up in the small hours by a stranger hammering his fist at the door.
It was around 1:30 a.m. on April 12 when authorities say the 68-year-old unrecognizable perp (who gave his name as “John”) stepped up to the tenth floor flat and demanded the resident open the door.
The tenant gave in and opened the door.
And he was met by the barrel of a gun that quickly went BOOM.
Remarkably, the target was spared from getting a bullet lobotomy.
The aimless shooter fled.
During questioning with the cops, the victim claimed he never met the plastic assassin.
The motive to go full grim reaper was also shrouded in mystery.
The suspect (who claims to be lying his head at a Randall’s Island shelter) was taken into custody on April 13.
He was formally charged with attempted murder, assault, reckless endangerment, and criminal possession of a loaded firearm.
The suspect pleaded not guilty at his arraignment and was remanded without bail.
The man’s 13 priors (mostly drug hits) date back to 1992 and they include going down for fatally stabbing a 47-year-old man.
He was sprung from Otisville prison in January.
⬛ THE BRONX
▀ Mott Haven: Crook Caught Days After Ransacking Car For Power Tools
THERE WASN’T A satchel of rare bullion or jewels. Just a bunch of sad power tools that appeared to be one lowlife’s banquet for the evening.
The 32-year-old desperate deviant was caught red-handed at around 8:30 p.m. on March 21 breaking into a 2023 black Nissan parked on St. Ann’s Avenue off Linda Ballou Way.
The not so subtle suspect was dinged grabbing items from the car’s rear.
It appears the perp took off with a Dash cam, a tire jack, a power washer, and an electric wrench.
The accused did breath free air for four days until the law’s reach caught up to him.
He was booked for auto stripping, criminal mischief, criminal possession of stolen property, and petit larceny.
⬛ BROOKLYN
▀ Sunset Park: Trio Burgled Woman’s Home For Laptop And Cash
THEY WENT THROUGH a hell of an ordeal to fleece a Dell and a few dollars.
A woman left her 59th Street home close to 1 a.m. on March 28.
While gone — three bad hombres were captured on CCTV stepping up to her front door.
They repeatedly kicked at the door. But it wouldn’t budge.
Hours passed and at 4 a.m. two of the cutthroats took off.
That left the lone raider.
He then allegedly swiveled the surveillance camera away from the door and resumed kicking.
At some point the door gave way and in he went.
Authorities say he took off with the laptop and the cash lying beside it was also looted.
The loner who took off with the profits and computer was caught days later on April 1.
He faces burglary, grand larceny (more than $3k) criminal possession of stolen property, and criminal mischief.
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⬛ QUEENS
▀ Springfield Gardens: Maniac Motorist Eluding Cops Smashes Into Fire Truck
SHE WAS BLITZED and saw stars.
A 25-year-old woman was behind the wheel of a 2020 white Nissan Sentra that she weaved all over the Belt Parkway.
It was around 5 a.m. on April 6, when the terrible driver caught the eye of cops.
They sounded their sirens and hit the lights and repeatedly ordered the driver to pull over as she was driving the wrong way against oncoming traffic.
It was forcing several cars to swerve out of the way to avoid collisions.
She would be forced to stop when at Springfield Boulevard the woman navigated the car wham into an FDNY fire truck. (What are the odds?!)
Her car than ricocheted head-on with a Chevrolet.
The second impact sent that driver to the hospital.
Meantime, the woman, whom cops observed to be essentially sloshed with watery, bloodshot eyes, and wobbly on her feet and slurring her speech.
She offered to take a Breathalyzer, however the results weren’t verified at the time of the arrest.
Still, authorities threw enough pages in the book at her including reckless endangerment, criminal mischief, unlawful fleeing of a police officer, and driving while under the influence of drugs or booze.
⬛ STATEN ISLAND
▀ Annadale: Rambo Wannabe Challenged Group To Duel Yelling ‘I'll Fuck You Guys Up!’
MAYBE HE WAS high on his own moxie supply.
A deranged deviant showed up to a home on Hylan Avenue in the middle of the night on March 2.
It was there that he was ready to prove that he had watched enough Jackie Chan movies to prove he too could whip a group’s behinds with a couple of swings and kicks.
The 34-year-old goon allegedly darted into the front yard of the homeowner and his cronies hanging there.
‘You wanna fight? I'll fuck you guys up-34-year-old instigator yelled at group outside their home
Authorities say that to show he could break bones and faces with his death touch — he plucked one of the statues and "threw it on the ground" causing it to shatter.
He kept marching toward them as they ran inside the home.
When nobody took him up on his fight challenge, the madman then allegedly broke the center glass of a front door.
Minutes later while still raging — the suspect barked, "You wanna fight? I'll fuck you guys up."
But before he could even throw a limp jab — the cops showed up.
One of the officers attempted to restrain the statue destroying gladiator.
As she collaring the loudmouth, he attempted to slip loose and fight wriggle free.
While applying the cuffs, the officer’s finger was wounded by getting caught in the locking mechanism.
This forced her to seek medical treatment at a local hospital.
The suspect was formally brought up on assault, obstruction of government administration, criminal mischief, and resisting arrest.
⬛ WANTED V. NABBED
▀ Gas Station Bandit (Far Rockaway, NY)
⬛ NYCTALGIC
▀ Gotti The Altruist (New York, NY)
«SOURCE»
▀ Uniforms Manning Midtown (New York, NY) - 1980s
Credit: Bib Black
«SOURCE»
⬛ ET. AL
▀ Choppers Chipped (New York, NY)
▀ Anti-Gridlock (New York, NY)
«SOURCE»
▀ Speed Bomber (New York, NY)
«SOURCE»
▀ Bus Tagged (Bronx, NY)
«SOURCE»
▀ Line Blurrer (Long Island, NY)
«SOURCE»
▀ Almost Scooter Toast (New York, NY)
«SOURCE»
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*When perusing The Blotter, know that arrests do not constitute guilt, and all suspects are innocent until proven guilty. Moreover, the reported items are merely a snapshot of a criminal matter – what is known at the time of publishing. In most cases, the persons arrested for breaking the law haven’t been convicted (yet). It’s also possible that the charges brought against them may be reduced or even withdrawn.
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