THE MANUFACTURERS OF putty knives likely didn’t conjure the potential for dark arts that could be wrought from its construction tool. 

A 51-year-old had one heck of a lightbulb. He figured to take down a smoke shop for freebies using a paint scraper as a weapon. 

The time was 10:15 p.m. on Dec. 29, was when the suspect entered a smoke shop on 9th Avenue off West 40th Street. 

He allegedly brandished the tool and made clear he was “going to kill” the smoke shopkeep and then through the fright of it all — he started shopping. 

The perp took a pack of cigarettes and an ashtray and then exited without paying for them. 

Hours later, cops caught up to the nicotine joneser and retrieved the paint scraper from a jacket pocket and the ashtray. 

Hopefully, he puffed the smokes because they weren’t found.

HE CAME FOR a cold beverage and some munchies and then left — only to return with a real-looking gat and some fighting words. 

The 43-year-old entered Sammy’s Grocery on the late afternoon of Jan. 4. 

He allegedly brought to the counter of the joint located on East 194th Street and Marion Avenue with a bottled water and two  snacks. 

He and the clerk squared off over some sort of gripe and that inspired the suspect to declare he’d be returning extra heavy. 

“I’ll go get my gun and come back,” he allegedly snapped. 

He took his water and snacks and shortly returned back to the bodega. 

The suspect allegedly marched up to the clerk he was at loggerheads and raised his shirt. 

And the intent was clearly to let the clerk see a black piece tucked in the perp’s pants. 

He then allegedly let the clerk know what time it was. 

He said: “The fuck you mean, ‘Why do I got my gun?’ I got my shit.”

After it was clear that the man was all business, he demanded whatever was in the till. 

“Now, give me my fucking money, bro,” he demanded. “I’m not playing with you.”

Despite raiding the register of its greenbacks — apparently the suspect was “playing” with him. 

Officers were quick to the draw and found the suspect in his car and after checking things out — they determined the pistol he drew looked like a bonafide 9mm variety. It was black, and had a slide on top of it. 

Only it was an imitation. 

Nonetheless, he was pinched for robbery (with a gun), criminal possession of an imitation/toy pistol, menacing, petit larceny, and harassment.

THE DRIVER CATCHING Zs in the middle of an intersection gave off a blatant flare that the booze was flowing. 

A 27-year-old woman was found conked out behind the wheel of a 2021 Chevrolet that was idling at Glenwood Road and Rockaway Parkway back at around 2:30 a.m. on Dec. 30. 

Cops saw the tanked woman with the car in drive and her foot pressing the brake pedal. 

And there also happened to be an empty wine bottle tossed in the backseat. 

Upon waking from the drunken dreamscape, the woman was evaluated for her state of inebriation. 

The officer took note of her watery red eyes and potent breath. 

She was also Breathalyzed and found to have a blood alcohol concentration of .085% — leagues above the .05% threshold.

AN ESPECIALLY VEXED reveler was tangoing with a rival and their duel ended the way things sometimes do… throwing down in the men’s bathroom with one getting gutted with a broken bottle. 

It was around 1:30 a.m. on Dec. 30 inside the One Bar located on Rockaway Boulevard when the victim spilled out of the water closet gushing blood from his stomach. 

He claimed that a maniac carved him up with a jagged glass bottle. 

The attack had the victim taken to Jamaica Hospital where he had to undergo surgery for the wound described as a puncture to his abdominal wall and a ruptured inferior epigastric artery, according to the criminal complaint. 

When quizzed by investigators, the 50-year-old admitted he was jawing with fellow patron but he was attacked and the bottle of beer (he claims) was just there to keep his challenger at bay. 

“I was pushed to the floor with my beer in my right hand,” he allegedly told the cops. “I got up and pushed him away from me, I put the bottle up my sleeve jacket and left.”

The cops didn’t buy the tale and subsequently nabbed for assault and criminal possession of a weapon.

TWO DAYS BEFORE Christmas was ripe pickings for a crafty crook. 

The 50-year-old somehow had a key to enter a building to load up on other peoples’ merch. 

Lots of it. 

It was around 10:30 a.m. on Dec. 23 when the accused entered the location on Anderson Avenue near Richmond Avenue. 

Once he entered the premises, the suspect filled a bag with goodies worth $570. 

It wouldn’t be long before the cops were on his tail. 

Much of that was because the perp was caught on camera and was easily made. 

After they tracked him down they brought him up on burglary (dwelling), criminal possession of stolen property, petit larceny, and criminal trespass.

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SOMEONE’S SILVER BMW X5 was jacked of their rims and tires.

The road raid took place overnight on Feb 6 as the car was parked along Park Drive East near Jewel Avenue. These types of four-wheel fleeces are apparently on the rise as car crooks stock up on parked cars like aisled candy.

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*When perusing The Blotter, know that arrests do not constitute guilt, and all suspects are innocent until proven guilty. Moreover, the reported items are merely a snapshot of a criminal matter – what is known at the time of publishing. In most cases, the persons arrested for breaking the law haven’t been convicted (yet). It’s also possible that the charges brought against them may be reduced or even withdrawn.

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