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THE BLOTTER
ISSUE № 00217 — 08-20-26
BY: M.L. Nestel
Graphic by Melissa Eiler
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⬛ MANHATTAN
▀ Upper East Side: Victoria’s Secret Fleecer Nabbed With Over $1K Worth Of Fragrances
A REEKING RAIDER was busted looting several bottles of perfume from the lingerie chain.
At around 3 p.m. on Aug. 5, the 44-year-old was picked up outside the chain store on East 86th Street.
Security watched the suspect stuffing several bottles of the store’s fragrances into his tope bag.
Shortly afterward, the perp was stopped skipping the point of purchase at the registers and trying to trot out of the shop.
The suspect was then nailed for petit larceny.
Once in custody, investigators determined the same perp was wanted for a similar theft (racking up $1,020 of mystery merch) four days prior. A grand larceny charge was tacked on for that incident.
At his Aug. 5 arraignment, the judge freed the suspect for $1, despite prosecutors arguing that he be held on $20,000 bail.
⬛ THE BRONX
▀ Highbridge: Goon Wallops Senior For Pocket Change
AN ELDERLY MAN was pummeled for peanuts.
The 66-year-old was inside a residential building located on Anderson Avenue in the small hours of July 3.
Authorities say a 47-year-old desperado targeted the old man and tenderized his face.
He then swiped $2 worth of coins from the leveled man’s pants pocket.
The perp was nabbed a month later, on Aug. 3, and hit with robbery (assault 65 or older), grand larceny from a person, and criminal possession of stolen property.
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⬛ BROOKLYN
▀ Bushwick: Honda-Keying Wretch Toting Switchblade And Swinging Cane, Whips Out Penis — Growls At Driver ‘I Will Violate You!’
A CRESTFALLEN OUT Honda owner returned to their car to discover its hood had been carved like a preschooler’s scissored snowflake.
It was around 9:45 a.m. on July 13, when the flummoxed owner discovered the slicing vandalism and was quickly in the crosshairs of its artist: a 30-year-old goon who was wielding a switchblade.
‘Suck on this!’
The blade brute then dropped his pants and pulled out his appendage before sneering, “Suck on this!”
He proceeded to take a trash can and toss it at the already defaced Honda.
After trashing the car, the perp aimed his knife at the victim and said, “I will violate you.”
He then switched up the knife for a cane and started swinging it at the victim.
‘I will violate you!’
The perp was picked up (and forced to pull up his pants) and then hit with lewdness, exposure, assault with a weapon, criminal mischief, and menacing.
⬛ QUEENS
▀ Long Island City / Astoria: Shirtless Serial Butt-Grabbing And Slapping Goon Caught With Crack Pipe
A HANDSY HOOD was nabbed for accosting several unsuspected women on their backsides.
The fiend, 27, was captured after going on a rumpus thumping spree on the morning of Aug. 2.
Authorities say at around 9 a.m. the shirtless perp in black pants was spotted rolling around Hoyt Avenue and 27th Street when neared the 59th Street Bridge on an e-bike and sided up to a woman walking by and slapped her on her rear end.
Twenty minutes later the same perp lurked around another woman and this time groped a woman’s buttocks from behind before rolling away.
A half hour passed by when the same accused was riding on 44th Street near 34th Avenue and slapped another woman on her backside before stealing away.
The punk was picked up at a 7-Eleven located on Northern Boulevard just minutes later.
When he was frisked, officers pulled from his person a glass pipe with some coke residue.
He was formally brought up on various raps including several counts of forcible touching, sexual abuse, drugs, weapons, and harassment.
⬛ STATEN ISLAND
▀ West Brighton: Snack Heisting Deviants Twice Threaten Bodega Clerk’s Life ‘We’re coming to your house!’
A COUPLE OF junk food fiends stormed a bodega for an assortment of munchies and then aimed what appeared to be guns at the clerk.
The pair stocked up on all kinds of grub when they were inside the Deli Grocery and Grill located on the corner of Henderson and Campbell Avenues back at around 10 p.m. on July 20.
They were witnessed grabbing 30 bags of potato chips, 10 Welch’s Fruit Snacks, seven Nerds candies, 10 Haribo Gummy Bears, three hot fries, and to wash it all down — two sodas, and two waters.
‘If you call the police, I’ll shoot you.’
As they were making their exit without paying, both pointed from their pockets what the clerk determined to be pistols.
And one of them warned, “If you call the police, I’ll shoot you.”
The next evening, the same suspects returned.
This time they didn’t raid the shelves for more eats.
‘We know where you live. We’re coming to your house.’
They gathered by the clerk’s car and took a photo of its license plate.
They then stepped to the clerk at the bodega and one hissed, “We know where you live.”
He continued: “We’re coming to your house.”
Despite the intimidation tactics, the clerk did ring for the authorities.
They were summarily nabbed and facing charges of robbery with a firearm, intimidation (causing fear), petit larceny, and criminal possession of stolen property.
⬛ WANTED V. NABBED
▀ Wanted: Bank Robber (Bronx, NY)
«SOURCE»
▀ Band Of Thieves (Brooklyn, NY)
INVESTIGATORS ARE PROWLING for a group of burglars who struck on July 26 inside Luna Park.
⬛ GOTHAM, INK.
▀ ATM WTF! (New York, NY)
«SOURCE»
▀ Lettering (Bronx, NY)
«SOURCE»
▀ Towed Tag (Bronx, NY)
⬛ NYCTALGIA
▀ K9 Unit (New York, NY) - 1970s
Credit: Tom Hickman
«SOURCE»
▀ Blackout Blaze (Bronx, NY) - 1977
«SOURCE»
⬛ ET. AL
▀ Fire On Aisle 9 (Bronx, NY)
«SOURCE»
▀ Cops + Dodgers (New York, NY)
«SOURCE»
▀ Taxi Cab Squabble (New York, NY)
«SOURCE»
Stair Skippers (New York, NY)
«SOURCE»
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*When perusing The Blotter, know that arrests do not constitute guilt, and all suspects are innocent until proven guilty. Moreover, the reported items are merely a snapshot of a criminal matter – what is known at the time of publishing. In most cases, the persons arrested for breaking the law haven’t been convicted (yet). It’s also possible that the charges brought against them may be reduced or even withdrawn.
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The Blotter.* A roundup of happenings in Gotham’s mean streets (and from time to time the tri-state region). Each item provides a staticky glimpse into the sleepless city’s peripheral misdemeanors, felonies, and misadventures.
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