HE DINED LIKE a sultan.

But when the bill arrived — he acted appalled they would charge someone so imperial like him.

A 61-year-old glutton was chowing down at the P.J. Clarke’s for an early dinner back on Nov. 2.

Authorities say the man sated his heavy appetite on the eatery’s fine fare — known for its “hearty comfort food — especially the “legendary burgers”.

The dimwit allegedly refused to square away the $125.21 bill and tried a harebrained getaway. That’s because the man lives blocks away from the Empire Hotel West 63rd Street spot — on 54th Street and was quickly caught and indulging on cheese and crackers behind bars.

He was charged with failure to pay based on stealth.

The suspect has allegedly tried this feast then fleece act before. On July 31, the man was nailed for the same charges after stiffing another eatery in Midtown. That case is still slogging through the criminal court system.

He’s expected back in court on Dec. 3, court records show.

HE WAS UNWANTED. But that didn’t stop him.

A 21-year-old man who had been barred from going near his sister’s Patterson Avenue home — allegedly showed up anyway at around 3:15 p.m. on July 22.

The accused allegedly stormed into her home and with a blade in his mitts shouted, “If you step to me — I’m going to kill you!”

The suspect had been ordered by a judge to keep away from the townhouse just days earlier (on July 17) and it had been valid through Sept. 12.

The earlier incident involved the suspect barging into the terrified woman’s bedroom by force and causing its hinges to “detatch from the door frame”, the criminal complaint reads.

Freed from bondage, the accused allegedly returned to the same address.

It was around 4 p.m. on Sept. 14 when he reappeared. Though this time he was without a knife.

But the suspect brought a good amount of sinister.

He allegedly kicked at his sister’s door and even wrecked her dresser, causing a gaping hole in it, the papers say.

The suspect allegedly was priming for a bout, taunting his sister by saying, “Let’s fight! Come fight me!”

The duel that he’d been raring for wasn’t to be. Instead, the law was called and again the suspect was back in custody and staring down the barrel of criminal mischief and menacing charges to tack onto his initial weapons and menacing charge from the first unannounced visit.

HE ONLY KEPT lookout.

That was the yarn by one accused thief told when he was nabbed for a spate of thefts tracking back to late spring.

Cops say the 32-year-old crook, dinged on Oct. 21, had successfully fleeced several locations in broad daylight.

They amassed all kinds of goods — much of them construction materials that the accused claims his partner fenced to a buyer and which he would dole out a small cut for his eyes and ears assistance.

“I would know as soon as I see it, yeah we use a crowbar to get in, I stayed as a lookout,” he allegedly told quizzing investigators. “I stayed outside while he went in. He came back with a garbage bag full of shit.

“He usually gives me something after he sells it. He gives me $10 to $15 bucks. It's late night when he does it. He sells it to a person in Red Hook. His name is [sic].”

The crooks allegedly took scores at the following spots…

*4:30 p.m. on May 18… they allegedly target a Clinton Street daycare and left with almost 1,200 feet of copper wire.

*7 a.m. on Sept. 2… duo enter through the back door of a Brooklyn Library branch on Wolcott Street and take 500 btivkd snf 65 tools.

*3 p.m. on Sept. 22… the suspects enter a Columbia Street address where they take various hardware items including putty knives, buckets of paint, a Samsung charger, and paint brushes.

*3:30 p.m. on Oct. 2… the accused pair are recorded on CCTV breaking into a trailer parked on another location on Columbia Street. They broke a lock and shattered a window to snatch Bounty paper towels, Scott toilet paper, a microwave, an industrial vacuum, 15 safety glasses, and a steel-toe (said to be worth $1,187).

*4:30 p.m. Oct. 9… a construction site on Mill Street was targeted to make off with several DeWalt drills, Hilti drills, and 15 NYC Housing Authority uniforms.

*7:30 p.m. on Oct. 14… More drills (DeWalt, Hilti, and Milwaukee) taken along with two Khen tool boxes.

The suspect is now facing a boatload of charges for the thefts including several counts of burglary, grand larceny, criminal possession of stolen property, petit larceny, and trespass.

WHATEVER LOVE THEY had went poof.

A punk checked into the Wingate Hotel with a woman and after kicking her out of their room — he allegedly decided to set fire to all of her belongings and also see what would happen when he put a lighter to the mattress.

At around 4:30 a.m. the 41-year-old pyromaniac guest was inside Room 1310 of the hotel located on 12th Street when he and his galpal started squabbling.

The man locked the woman out of the room and when she tried to reenter, she couldn’t, according to the complaint.

Cops were summoned and they also struck out when they attempt to gain entry into the room.

Even an attempt to access the room a master key failed to force the door ajar.

What’s more, the suspect “refused to open said door or exit said room”, according to the papers.

Shortly after the failed attempts, the authorities caught a whiff of smoke emanating from the room. They determined that there were two set fires: one igniting the mattress and another setting alight the woman’s possessions including her beauty products, purses, clothes, electronics, and shoes.

All of it was “charred” and “rendered unusable” after the flames were snuffed by firefighters.

The fire marshal discovered a lighter ditched on the floor.

The suspect appeared to have flown the burning coop by smashing the window and diving for some fleeting freedom.

But he wouldn’t get far as he was scooped up by officers.

The blaze the suspect allegedly started not only wrecked the room to the tune of over $2,000 — having destroying the mattress, the bed frame tables, and the floor — but two cops were taken to local hospitals to be treated for smoke inhalation.

The suspect was hit with arson, reckless endangerment, and criminal mischief.

THEY TOOK BEER and then allegedly walloped the dismayed clerk.

A 22-year-old man was one of four unsavories who entered the BP gas station mart on Hylan Boulevard near Hamden Avenue back at around 1:30 a.m. on Oct. 17, according to the criminal complaint.

The thirsty shoplifters selected five Modelo-branded beers from the fridge.

But when they were approached by a clerk — the suspect allegedly unleashed a series of punches and even “brandished” one of the beer bottles as a weapon — invoking fear in the clerk.

By Oct. 30, cops caught up to the alleged alpha of the crew. They brought robbery, menacing, assault, petit larceny, and criminal possession of stolen property.

At his arraignment, the suspect pleaded not guilty. He must return to court on Dec. 18, records show.

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*When perusing The Blotter, know that arrests do not constitute guilt, and all suspects are innocent until proven guilty. Moreover, the reported items are merely a snapshot of a criminal matter – what is known at the time of publishing. In most cases, the persons arrested for breaking the law haven’t been convicted (yet). It’s also possible that the charges brought against them may be reduced or even withdrawn.