A poor parker is likely going to pay out his nose for his alleged misdeeds.

The 25-year-old road warrior from Delaware was clearly reeling by the sight before his eyes: his Mercedes-Benz sedan was illegally parked and about to get towed away. 

It was a few minutes before 3 a.m. on Nov. 8 when the out-of-towner rushed to his ride parked on Dykman Street near Nagle Avenue, according to the criminal complaint. He allegedly hopped into the driver’s seat and hit the gas to zip out of there before the city tow operator (an on-duty civilian) could hook it up. 

Far from making a clean getaway — the driver instead took out the tow trick driver’s ankles. 

The Mercedes driver then took off. But the flattened worker radioed a description of the hit-and-run punk. Patrol cops from the 34th precinct pulled over the driver and cuffed him. 

Medics took the downed tow truck driver to a nearby hospital where he was treated for two sprained ankles. 

So instead of a nominal parking snag — the driver was formally changed with assault and fleeing an officer in a motor vehicle. The next day, at the suspect’s arraignment he pleaded not guilty. He’s expected to return to court on Jan. 26, records show.  

A spat between two lovers went off the rails. 

A 35-year-old woman was verbally jousting with her 39-year-old beau back at around 2:15 a.m. inside of a first floor flat located on East 231st Street and Paulding Avenue. The war of roses turned especially grim when the woman allegedly picked up a knife and daggered the man in the back, according to the criminal complaint. 

Cops were called and when they arrived they questioned the now blood-soaked man. They also quizzed the woman who allegedly came clean about how her man was stuck with a blade. 

“I stabbed him,” she allegedly said.

It’s unclear what the pair were quarreling about before their beef turned near deadly. Medics rushed the victim to Jacobi Hospital where he was treated for the stab wound. 

He survived. 

Investigators recovered the knife at the messy scene. 

Meantime, the suspect was brought up on attempted murder, assault, and harassment raps. The woman was bonded out after her first appearance before a judge. Records show she’s expected back in court in December. 

A FedEx deliveryman allegedly siphoned over a dozen parcels filled with checks and money orders and allegedly cashing them to fatten his pockets to the tune of nearly $700,000. 

The 46-year-old was captured on video at the shipping corp’s distribution center on 19th Street near Hamilton Avenue back on Aug. 1. 

Authorities say the suspect set aside 15 packages and tossed them into a bin that would end up rolling into his delivery truck, according to the criminal complaint. 

Those packages were filled with 83 checks and one money order — with a provenance from JP Morgan Lockbox Processing or Chase Metrotech Center. 

Among the batch of checks that were alleged to have been mailed by clueless sendees hoping to remit payments — some were nominal amounts such as four cents to Voya Trust Company,  $15 made out to Hudson Valley Hospital, or $66.49 to Acutis Diagnostics. 

But the lionshare of the checks bore substantial amounts such as paying off mortgages and other big ticket items.

One was sent by New Yorkers for $15,971.10 intended to go to First American Title Insurance Company, another for $84,970 sent from a hospital to pay for medicine and several checks to Shake Shack (such as one for $5,000). 

There was one check for $256,629.16 from a Hospital outfit sent to LG Electronics to apparently pay for their televisions.

All told, the suspect’s raid yielded checks and a money order tallying $658,614.45. 

Investigators built their case and formally arrested the suspect on Dec. 1. 

He faces grand larceny, petit larceny, and criminal possession of stolen property. 

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They denied him a credit card. So he personally strongarmed the bank. 

It was around 3:30 p.m. on Oct. 9 when a 68-year-old man (who claimed to have served 30 years hard time for… robbery) wearing a white sweater, black trousers, and Nikes darted towards a teller inside of a Capital One Bank branch located on Jamaica Avenue and Sutphin Boulevard. 

“I need to speak to the manager,” he allegedly told the woman, the criminal complaint reads. 

The teller walked away briefly to confer with the manager and then returned to let the man know that he was “unavailable.”

Turning cross, the man pleaded with the woman, “Can we speak privately?”

She led him to an unoccupied cubicle to appease his request for confidence. 

But the man wasn’t hoping to open a new savings account or secure a line of credit. Rather, he was nonplussed and didn’t hide it. 

“Are there cameras around,” the suspect asked the teller. He didn’t wait for an answer. He started making demands. “I applied for a credit card and they’re not giving it to me.

“You’re going to give me a credit card.”

Before she could respond he let her know he meant the kind of business that doesn’t involve negotiation. “I have a gun in my bag,” he told her. “If you don’t do what I’m telling you to do — we’re going to have a problem.”

Knowing the score, the teller informed the man that she needed to fetch her laptop in order to “assist him.” But he refused her. 

He explained, “You can’t leave this room because if you do you’re going to scream. I can’t let you go.”

The room turning sideways for the teller, she broke down in tears, informing the robber that she has a 10-month old child at home and begged him through weeps, “Please don’t shoot me!” 

But the money-hungry heister was unmoved. “Watch your tears,” he scolded. “Or someone else will understand what is happening and we’re going to have problems.”

The manager then checked on his colleague to make sure she was OK. 

The suspect allegedly spoke for her: “Don’t worry, she’s OK,” he said.

He continued to spell out the situation in crystal terms. The man wasn’t interested in being granted a credit card. He wanted cold cash. “This is a robbery,” he told her. “Give me $1,000 in hundreds.”

And like a seasoned criminal all too savvy of banks’ countermeasures — he said, “I don’t want any stamped or dyepack bills.”

The woman returned to her window with the man shadowing her. 

“You’re not going to go away from me,” he told her. “You have to be beside me.”

The teller then went to work on getting together his funds. But apparently it wasn’t fast enough and the brute became impatient. 

“You’re taking too long,” he stammered. “I’m leaving.”

The teller then pressed the “panic alarm” and that set off a dragnet. 

It didn't take long before the suspect, who hadn’t pocketed a dime despite his remarkable effort, was cuffed and cooling his heels in the back of a cruiser. 

Under questioning the suspect allegedly told cops it was all a huge misunderstanding. 

He then allegedly spindled a yarn to detectives about why he was there and how miffed he was for being stiffed on a Capital One credit card. “Someone hacked my credit card,” he said, according to the manager’s recollection shared with investigators. “So I went into the bank and asked for the manager. 

“She told me the manager was busy. I said, ‘Listen, I don’t want to hurt anybody. She started to cry. I told her that I had a gun in my bag because I was pissed.”

He claimed that he had served 27 ½ years for robberies. 

But he insists that he wasn’t trying to stick up the joint. 

“From her perspective, I acknowledge that it looked like I was trying to rob the bank and hurt her,” he noted. “As soon as the cops grabbed me — I told them ‘I didn’t rob the bank!’

They didn’t see it as a misunderstanding. The accused was booked on attempted robbery and unlawful imprisonment. 

They were getting over the big box store for thousands. And nobody appeared to be onto them for months. 

Two hardware hustlers were nabbed after investigators pinned them to a scheme involving thousands of dollars worth of merch being omitted in several purchases spanning months. 

The 52-year-old man and his 28-year-old inside guy employed at the Home Depot located on Forest Avenue near Morrow Street were fingered in fleecing the biz by allowing valuable goods go unscanned at the point of purchase.

The elder playing the customer appeared to have checked out of the Home Depot at least a dozen times starting on the morning of May 31. 

It was there that authorities say they have CCTV footage of the 58-year-old suspect “acting together and in concert” to load up shopping carts and then when they tallied their purchases of “home improvement products” tallying well beyond $1,000 — the grand total came up to $61.82, according to the criminal complaint. 

They allegedly performed the same grift 11 more times. Often, they would appear to mask their thievery by purchasing a decent amount of the goods. 

On June 14, the duo ran up a $692 tab for items exceeding $1,000. 

Then, on June 28, they spent $51.68 for goods worth more than $200. The very next day they returned and bought $140.61 worth of goods for items totaling over $1,000. 

A month later, on July 29, the twosome were at it again, allegedly running up $4,000 worth of goods and only paying $390. 

Perhaps they were a tad overzealous when on the night of Aug. 16, they allegedly paid $6 for $700 worth of items, the papers say. 

They would repeat this same drastic underpaying move on Aug. 24, where they paid $18 for over $1,000 worth of merchandise. 

They continued to pull off this scheme until Aug. 30. That would be the last documented theft of goods where they rolled out with over $2,000 worth of goods and only paid $77. 

Both were busted on Oct. 30 after investigators pored over the footage and pinned them to the fleecing. Each faces criminal possession of stolen property (in excess of $3,000), and petit larceny.

It’s the pausing moments that sear the strongest. Gotham can seem like nonstop humdrum. Neverending chaos. But the pockets of quiet and stillness are there. You have to look and listen and not tune out. Here a two subway travelers are riding on a train that has been given the graffiti business. And yet through the squiggly lines and looney wolf toon — there are two denizens waiting for those doors to close so that they can get one stop closer to home.

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IN THE PIT of one hack’s despair inspired another to capitalize on it. The attention-seeking chum hopped onto a cab that had gotten snagged by a gaping cavity in the street — in Times Square — and proceeds to light a smoke.

This despite several onlookers pleading with him to extricate. They repeatedly yell, “Get off the car!”

One guy can be heard speaking the obvious: “Yo, he’s gonna go viral.”

And he ignores every one of them.

He asks for someone to help him smoke his drag. “Pass me a lighter.”

And he starts mocking naysayers as he takes a hit of whatever is loaded in his joint — “Oh my god! Ohhhh!”

Another tries to knock some sense into him. “You better get off the car before the cops lock you up.”

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*When perusing The Blotter, know that arrests do not constitute guilt, and all suspects are innocent until proven guilty. Moreover, the reported items are merely a snapshot of a criminal matter – what is known at the time of publishing. In most cases, the persons arrested for breaking the law haven’t been convicted (yet). It’s also possible that the charges brought against them may be reduced or even withdrawn.

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