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THE BLOTTER
ISSUE № 00202 — 07-29-26
BY: M.L. Nestel
Graphic by Melissa Eiler
⬛ MANHATTAN
▀ Midtown: Nut Busted Gratifying Self In Precinct Holding Cell
HE NOTCHED ANOTHER misdemeanor by masturbating inside a crowded police precinct cell.
A 38-year-old with extra idle hands was cooling his heels inside Midtown North Precinct’s lockup for thievery on the early evening of July 7.
While waiting to be booked — the bawdy bloke couldn’t tame his insatiable libido.
So the jerkoff indulged by giving himself a little self-loving.
He was witnessed in “plain view” by other prisoners and a member of service pulling out his erected member and with his hand “stroke” it “up and down,” according to the criminal complaint.
The calloused pawed hood’s gratuitous act tacked on more than just the petit larceny and criminal possession of stolen property raps. For he was also charged with public lewdness and exposure of a person.
⬛ THE BRONX
▀ Longwood: Ambushing Bully Spits And Kicks Straphanger
HE TOOK A hint with the raining down of a mean woman’s spittle.
Then she kicked the innocent in his back.
The violent barrage was inflicted by a woman while riding the rails ona southbound 5 train back at around noon on July 20.
The 49-year-old man claims he was targeted without any provocation by the woman who hocked a lookie at him and then took him down with the karate.
The rogue rumbler remains in the wind.
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⬛ BROOKLYN
▀ East Flatbush: Nightclub Dreamer Dunked For Plying Booze From Storefront
NOBODY’S CONSCIENCE SEEMED to be kicking by the presence of achurch next door when they got their drink on at a late-night speakeasy.
The space located on Church Avenue that was being run by a 48-year-old host clandestinely sold hooch to customers.
Cops moved in on May 30 to shut him down.
Or perhaps the faithful who worshipped at the Pentecostal Gospel Tabernacle of Christ next door were also unenthused by the club and its vices.
Whatever the case, the suspect was nailed to the cross for selling alcoholic beverages without a license, running an unlicensed bottle club, and warehousing liquor without a license.
⬛ QUEENS
▀ Howard Beach / Ozone Park: Wanted Religious Statue Rooker Lassoed
THE PHILISTINE ON a sacrilege bender was caught weeks after allegedly nicking coveted statues from peoples’ homes.
A unit spotted the impetuous perp, identified as 47-year-old Christopher Battaglia, on Monday — recognizing him as the suspect who was being sought for a string of statue thefts and gas station knockoffs.
Authorities brought grand larceny and possession of stolen property raps against Battaglia (who at one point was being investigated for committing the thefts as a Hate Crime)
Four statues including Mother Mary, St. Anthony, Padre Pio, and Virgin Mary all suspiciously vanished from their outdoor domes.
Battaglia, who has a lengthy rap sheet dating back to 1996 for a drug ding and theft, is suspected of being mentally unstable and the investigators digging into the matter for now don’t believe a hate motivation behind the unholy larcenies, sources told The Blotter.
Despite getting their man, the police are still trying to track down the stolen statues.
The criminal complaint details each suspected heist and in each case repeated attire allegedly worn by Battaglia and his black SUV driving away from the crime scenes.
The spate of thefts initially dismayed Queens local PJ Marcel.
“I got the video of the guy stealing the statue,” he told The Blotter shortly after the pattern was discovered. “It’s wrong.”
Indeed, footage of one of the thefts shows a man in a dark SUV plucking one of the statues from the homeowners’ property.
The St. Anthony statue was looted from its dome at 157th Avenue back at around midnight on June 11.
Before and after shot of one of the four statues looted from its dome. / Credit: PJ Marcel
Credit: PJ Marcel
Credit: PJ Marcel
The 77-year-old resident dialed 911 shortly after the disturbing loss.
Then, the cops were called again when on the night of June 22, two more statues (Mother Mary and St. Pedro) were lifted from a home located on Bristol Avenue off Hawtree Street.
On the morning of June 24, a Mother Mary statue was reported taken from the back of a home again on Bristol Avenue.
The matter drew the attention of Council Member Joann Ariola.
“My office has been made aware of the thefts of statues of the Blessed Mother and St Anthony from private properties in Ozone Park and Howard Beach,” read a statement released earlier this month. “These cowardly attacks on people of faith are deeply disturbing and heartbreaking.
Credit: PJ Marcel
“These are not merely decorative objects to Christians. They are sacred symbols of faith, hope and comfort for thousands of Christian and Roman Catholic families in our communities.”
She made it clear at the time when the thefts were freash — that she wanted the matter to be “taken seriously”.
“My office has been in touch with the residents who are the victims of this theft and the Captain of the 106 precinct,” she added, noting the hunt was on to capture the klepto. “I will work to ensure that each theft is thoroughly investigated and that every available resource is used to identify those responsible.
⬛ STATEN ISLAND
▀ Midland Beach: Soused Woman Explains Wrong Way Car Wreck To ‘Driving Stupidly’
SHE WAS SMASHED when she caused the smashup.
A woman was behind the wheel of a 2019 Hyundai Ioniq when she lost control and crashed — her ride was facing the wrong side of the road, the criminal complaint reads.
It was around 9:15 p.m. on June 28, when the 41-year-old was riding along Lincoln Avenue and found her e-SUV inoperable.
Police approached the woman and questioned her sobriety.
She admitted to “driving the vehicle” while traveling from Matawan, New Jersey.
Did she drink anything this particular evening?
Oh yes. Cocktails galore it would seem.
She admitted in a distinct liquor-stinking slurring voice, “I drank Long Iced Tea and Cutwater.”
As for how she found herself in the fender bender the woman was especially self-loathing.
“I was driving stupidly,” said the driver.
The cops took the woman to a drunk tank and charged her with DWI and reckless driving.
⬛ LOCKED UP
▀ Convicted Golf Caddie Slayer Who Ducked Capture For Decades In Jamaica Before Feds Caught Him — Gets Paroled
HE WAS THE killer golf caddie who fled the States to reinvent himself to become a cabbie in paradise before he was finally found.
Michael Cousins won back his freedom when he appeared before the state Parole Board on July 7 while serving time at Franklin Correctional Facility.
Back in the fall of 1996, Cousins, was a 29-year-old golf caddy at the Pelham Country Club in Pelham Manor, Westchester County located just outside the city.
The man allegedly stabbed to the chest fellow cabbie, Jason Campbell, 23, ending their fight.
A bloodied Campbell staggered to the Westchester County Club’s pro shop, where he collapsed to his death, prosecutors detailed during trial.
Cousins’ knife was recovered at the country club crime scene.
The suspect became a ghost.
In fact, he became TV fodder when the hit program "America's Most Wanted" featured his homicide in an episode.
Cousins found cover for 20 years before he was apprehended by the Jamaica Constabulary Force Counter-Terrorism and Organized Crime Fugitive Apprehension Team in October 2015, in Kingston, Jamaica where he adopted an alias and working as a taxi cab driver.
He waived his right to an extradition hearing in Jamaica and turned over to the FBI and then faced trial when extradited back to Westchester in November of 2015.
By April the following year, Cousins was staring down at 25 years to life if he were to go down for the murder charge.
So he pleaded down to a single count of first degree manslaughter and was sentenced in June to nine to 18 years under the plea.
After serving a decade of the sentence Cousins is now slated to return to society.
▀ GOTHAM, INK
▀ Morning Toons (New York, NY)
«SOURCE»
⬛ NYCTALGIA
▀ Carlos Marcello With Gambino Underboss Neil Dellacroce Exit NYC Lockup After Posting Bail (New York, NY) - Sep. 23, 1966
«SOURCE»
▀ Torching The Hot Wheels (Upper West Side, NY)
«SOURCE»
⬛ ET. AL
▀ > Dominican Parade Hits (Bronx, NY)
«SOURCE»
▀ Brakeless (New York, NY)
«SOURCE»
▀ Road Warriors (Brentwood, NY)
«SOURCE»
▀ Out Of The Way (New York, NY)
«SOURCE»
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*When perusing The Blotter, know that arrests do not constitute guilt, and all suspects are innocent until proven guilty. Moreover, the reported items are merely a snapshot of a criminal matter – what is known at the time of publishing. In most cases, the persons arrested for breaking the law haven’t been convicted (yet). It’s also possible that the charges brought against them may be reduced or even withdrawn.
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The Blotter.* A roundup of happenings in Gotham’s mean streets (and from time to time the tri-state region). Each item provides a staticky glimpse into the sleepless city’s peripheral misdemeanors, felonies, and misadventures.
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