In partnership with
THE BLOTTER
ISSUE № 00105 — 04-15-26
BY: M.L. Nestel
Illustration by Rob Weiss
The Blotter.* A roundup of happenings in Gotham’s mean streets (and from time to time the tri-state region). Each item provides a staticky glimpse into the sleepless city’s peripheral misdemeanors, felonies, and misadventures.
⬛ MANHATTAN
▀ Yorkville: Ex Sloan Kettering Worker Feigned To Be Packing Bomb In Bag
A NUTJOB WITH an ax to grind marched into his former workplace bragging he had a bomb.
The 39-year-old made quite the fuss when he entered Sloan Kettering Hospital back at around noon on March 14.
Authorities say he handed a missive claiming there was a bomb in his bag.
The threat inspired a hullabaloo by the NYPD Bomb Squad.
But after a they investigated they found that the bag the man was holstering contained an innocuous concrete statue.
Not an explosive device.
Cops took the wannabe suicide bomber and he was whisked away to undergo a psych evaluation.
When it was determined he had his wits about hims, he was arraigned on placing a false bomb/hazardous substance, false report of an incident and aggravated threat of mass harm.
⬛ THE BRONX
▀ Soundview: Chainsnatcher Caught A Month Later Poorly Driving With Dope In Car
A TRIO OF bullies swarmed a young girl and yanked her necklaces off before stealing away.
The thugs (one of them 18), stepped to the 12-year-old standing in front of a home on Stratford Avenue off East 172nd Street (in the 43rd Precinct) at around 12:30 a.m. on Valentine’s Day.
The three pushed the girl against a wall and then snatched her two necklaces.
With the baubles in hand two of the suspects scattered on foot.
The child was tended to by medics for soreness on her neck.
A chunk of time ticked away.
But on March 28, cops in the 46rd Precinct caught up to one of the girl’d necklace nickers.
That perp was busted for reckless driving. When they searched the ride they found he was in possession of stolen items along with an array of dope that was packaged to sell.
Once in custody they pinned the goon to the Feb. 14 necklace mugging in the neighboring precinct.
He was subsequently hit with robbery, assault, criminal obstruction of breathing, petit larceny and criminal possession of stolen property.
The two others who were in on the attack were still being sought.
⬛ BROOKLYN
▀ Crown Heights: Dirty Old Man Caught After Woman
A GHOULISH GRANDPA was nabbed after molesting a woman.
The 78-year-old was inside of a location on the morning of Feb. 3.
He allegedly couldn’t control his lust for her and proceeded to shove her against a wall and then laid kisses on the poor victim’s lips and then fondled her breasts over her clothes.
The woman hadn’t given any suggestion that she was interested in the septuagenarian.
Cops determined that the advances were all on the old man’s doing and he was formally nailed for forcible touching, sexual abuse, and harassment.
This billionaire strategy beat the S&P 500 by 3.1x from 2017-2025. Here's how to get in.
That’s not by picking the right stock or timing the market. It’s by holding three real asset classes in one strategy.
It’s anchored by an investment typically exclusive to billionaires.
Could be good timing too–
Bloomberg's Marcus Ashworth recently wrote, there’s "no more reliable safe havens."
The S&P, while hovering over 5 year highs, fell over 7% from the February peak. Bonds might carry less risk but they are barely keeping pace with inflation.
The things supposed to protect your portfolio started moving together.
Meanwhile, the world's wealthiest have been setting records in postwar and contemporary art.
After the dot-com bust, it grew roughly 24% annually for a decade. After 2008, roughly 11% annually for 12 years.
It trades globally in multiple currencies, has scarce supply, and has shown near-zero correlation to equities since 1995.*
Masterworks has helped 70,000+ investors allocate $1.3B fractionally across 500+ artworks featuring Banksy, Basquiat, and Picasso.
See if you can improve your portfolio performance in one diversified strategy.
*According to Masterworks data. Investing involves risk. Past performance is not indicative of future returns. Important Reg A disclosures: masterworks.com/cd
⬛ QUEENS
▀ Elmhurst: Horndog Offers Undercover Cop A C-Note For Sex
A LONELY HEART and his wingman were caught propositioning a cop for coitus.
The 37-year-old and his 53-year-old cohort were allegedly cruising the talent on Roosevelt Avenue back on the evening of March 10.
When they arrived at the intersection of 88th Street each of the lotharios put on the charm.
The suspects began courting a woman.
Each floated how he would pay the woman $100 to do the dirty.
She agreed.
But before the sex fiends could get their jollies off — they were fit with the cold steel of handcuffs.
The woman they wanted to buy her time between the sheets turned out to be an undercover cop.
Both johns were hit with prostitution raps.
⬛ STATEN ISLAND
▀ Rossville: Driver Dinged With Pipe, Blow And Bogus Bang
IT WAS A party on wheels.
A flamboyant woman wasn’t shy about showing off her powder and pipe.
The 43-year-old was behind the wheel of a red 2021 Kia Forte back at around 1 a.m. on Feb. 19.
She might have been able to freebase without much of a second look were it not for her faulty front headlight.
Cops affected a traffic stop as she approached the intersection of Barry Street and Rossville Avenue; and when they paced up to the window — there was a pipe on the front seat and a fat Ziploc baggie of coke on next to the woman.
When the officers popped the trunk, they were not surprised to find more questionables.
The woman had allegedly stowed a black imitation pistol.
She was taken away and formally charged on drug possession, possessing the pretend gun, and also an equipment violation for the defective front headlight.
⬛ EVIDENCE ART
▀ Hello! Smack & Arms (Bronx, NY)
FOUR GUNS PLUS a bunch of rubberbanded sleeves marked with a skull and “Hello!” in red ink.
▀ Two-Timing 2-Wheelers (Brooklyn, NY)
ROAD WARRIORS ARE getting sidelined.
Cops showed off some of the seized bikes by “reckless operators” who have been hit with steep fines or cuffed.
«SOURCE»
⬛ GOTHAM, INK
▀ Bubbling (Upper West Side, NY)
«SOURCE»
⬛ NYCTALGIC
▀ Dead End (Rego Park, NY) - June 4, 1948
Austin Street -Looking East Off Of 66th Avenue
«SOURCE»
▀ Offroading (New York, NY)
«SOURCE»
⬛ ET. AL
▀ Scaffolding Snafu (Midtown, NY)
«SOURCE»
▀ Despite Humble — Cabby Obstructor Tells Cops: ‘Don’t Ever Push Me Like That Again!’ (New York, NY)
«SOURCE»
▀ NYPD Bouncers (New York, NY)
«SOURCE»
▀ Window Blazing (New York, NY)
«SOURCE»
▀ Jerseyed (New York, NY)
«SOURCE»
-30-
*When perusing The Blotter, know that arrests do not constitute guilt, and all suspects are innocent until proven guilty. Moreover, the reported items are merely a snapshot of a criminal matter – what is known at the time of publishing. In most cases, the persons arrested for breaking the law haven’t been convicted (yet). It’s also possible that the charges brought against them may be reduced or even withdrawn.
-----------------------------------------------------------------X
Say hey…
:missives:
«facebook»
:socials: