A SMOKER WAS ambushed by an intruder upon returning from enjoying a predawn drag.

At around 3:45 a.m. on Nov. 6, the 56-year-old man stepped out of his home for the nicotine fix at the Frederick Douglass Houses on Columbus Avenue near West 104th Street.

He may now wish he had kicked the puffing habit because when he returned to his home — he was met by a maniac stranger who had somehow slipped inside the edifice.

The two tussled until the accused drew a sharp object and used it to slice the innocent.

The victim was rushed to St. Luke’s Hospital to be sewn up.

Fortunately, cops were quick to arrive and lassoed the trespassing slasher.

He was summarily charged with both assault and burglary.

HE THOUGHT THE Versa had a vacancy.

A woman was aghast when she discovered a slumbering goon inside her parked gray 2017 Nissan Versa.

The 22-year-old nomad was busted when at around 11:30 p.m. on Oct. 15, the woman found her parked car on Jerome Avenue near West Gunhill Road with a smashed front passenger window.

Snoozing shotgun was the suspect.

When officers arrived at the scene, they searched the woken man’s pockets and pulled out a glass pipe that they say contained a freshly smoked bowl of crack.

The accused was hit with criminal mischief, unauthorized use of a vehicle, and criminal possession of a controlled substance.

A NO GOOD ruffian roughed up his former fling, stole her purse and then posted on Instagram several intimate pics of her.

The 39-year-old man was inside his ex-girlfriend’s Ralph Avenue apartment back at around noon on Oct. 11, according to the criminal complaint.

The suspect allegedly quarreled with his ex-girlfriend and then decided to march to her bedroom closet.

There, he allegedly grabbed her purse (containing her cell phone, wallet, and a scarf worth over $1,000), the papers say.

When the woman tried to wrest the purse back, the crook allegedly slapped her face causing her to collapse on the bed.

The authorities say the punk didn’t waste time before he uploaded “explicit images” of the victimized ex on an Instagram account. Those images were allegedly only sent to the suspect before they were shared publicly without the woman’s permission.

The suspect was nabbed days later on Oct. 16.

He is now facing several raps including attempted robbery, grand larceny, criminal trespass, criminal possession of stolen property, and unlawful dissemination or publication of an intimate image.

At arraignment, the accused pleaded not guilty. He’s expected back in court on Feb. 26, court records show.

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THE BOOZE WAS apparently off-menu.

A popular eatery billing itself as the “home of the authentic Shanghainese soup dumplings” was busted up for plying its dim sum patrons with plenty of suds.

At around 6:30 p.m. on Oct. 1, vice cops paid a visit to the Shanghai You Garden located on 40 Road off Main Street. They approached the manager.

They took quick notice of the whopping 111 unopened beer bottles stowed inside a fridge.

Asked to explain the beer, the manager allegedly admitted that it was bootleg beer.

The 56-year-old told them “[we] do not have the permit for that.”

A search of the state database verified the eatery lacked a liquor license.

Authorities brought criminal nuisance, unlicensed bottle club, and warehouse permit charges against the confessing manager.

The suspect was given a desk appearance ticket and a conditional discharge back on Nov. 7.

FOUR TOUGHS USED their five-finger discounts to boost beers from a BP gas station mart and then beat the hops out of the clerk.

The mischievious ones entered the convenience store hubbed on Hyland and Hamden Avenues at around 1:30 a.m. on Oct. 17.

Authorities say the crew took five Modelo beers and tried to leave without tendering the purchase at the register.

When the clerk protested, the 22-year-old accused pummeled him with punches and even “brandished the glass beer bottle” as a weapon, according to the criminal complaint.

Only one of the set was netted.

The suspect is facing several counts of robbery, as well as petit larceny, menacing, assault, and criminal possession of stolen property.

At his arraignment, the suspect pleaded not guilty. He is expected to reappear before a judge on Dec. 18, records show.

RIP PAY PHONES.

These contraptions were put out of their misery and left for scrap heaven at the Crossroads of the World. The body of the phones stacked to form big heap; the dismembered receivers scattered like lifeless octopus tentacles.

THE PEDESTRIAN WAS bushwhacked from behind by a wayward two-wheeler.

It’s one of those unspoken fears New Yorkers know could happen — rogues illegally riding their chariots on sidewalks and wiping them out like a clean spare.

And that’s just what transpired on this video clip. A woman pacing underneath one of the infinite eysesore scaffoldings that clutter the Big Apple and is flattened by the bicyclist during what appears to be a critical mass ride.

@nisiotes924: Why do we have bike lanes?

@HARLEM117: Those are the [sic] same thugs who be running up and down Lenox Avenue causing chaos

@ParisSorel: He needs to be held accountable. It could have Worse.

David R Campbell: Sep 29 Real cyclists know you don't ride on the sidewalk.

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*When perusing The Blotter, know that arrests do not constitute guilt, and all suspects are innocent until proven guilty. Moreover, the reported items are merely a snapshot of a criminal matter – what is known at the time of publishing. In most cases, the persons arrested for breaking the law haven’t been convicted (yet). It’s also possible that the charges brought against them may be reduced or even withdrawn.

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