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THE BLOTTER
ISSUE № 0093 — 03-26-26
BY: M.L. Nestel
Illustration by Rob Weiss
The Blotter.* A roundup of happenings in Gotham’s mean streets (and from time to time the tri-state region). Each item provides a staticky glimpse into the sleepless city’s peripheral misdemeanors, felonies, and misadventures.
⬛ MANHATTAN
▀ Central Park East: Woman And 3 Ruffians Slash Rival Vendor
A FOOD VENDOR was ganged up on by the competition and her three heavies.
The 24-year-old woman was hocking her grub at a spot on East 63rd Street and Center Drive back on the afternoon of March 10.
A gruff woman, 38, who also sells food nearby, allegedly stepped to her demanding cash.
When she told the extortionist to kick rocks, her three henchmen pulled out razor blades and cut up the woman, causing her to suffer gashes to the leg, neck and arm.
After falling to the ground from the melee, the slashers snatched the victim’s purse which contained $500 cash.
The victim was taken to New York Presbyterian Hospital and stabilized after being treated.
Meantime, three of the four thugs who cut her up, including the vendor who shook her down for the cash were busted.
Each faces robbery (with a dangerous instrument and assault.
The fourth perp remains outstanding.
⬛ THE BRONX
▀ South Bronx: Duo Pummels Man’s Guts And Genitals With Wooden Plank On Valentine’s Day
HE TOOK A heck of licking from a couple of craven Cupids.
Only one of two toughs was lassoed after inflicting a savage shellacking on a man.
The victim was outside a building located on Westchester Avenue off East 158th Street back at around 7:45 p.m. on Valentine’s Day last year.
The two perps, one of them a woman 32, and the elusive man went to work on the man.
The first man first punched the victim several times in the face and the with the wooden plank repeatedly bashed the man as he blacked out on the ground, according to the criminal complaint.
He then used the timber to strike him repeatedly about his stomach, right foot, right thigh, and even his groin.
In fact, the poor man’s right testicle was severely wounded.
Medics rushed the unconscious patient to the hospital where he had to undergo surgery for the internal damage he suffered to his stomach from the vicious attack.
Investigators caught up to one of the man’s punishers on Feb. 8.
The woman is facing attempted murder, assault (with disfigurement) assault (with a weapon), menacing, and weapons possession.
⬛ BROOKLYN
▀ ‘Lost’em, Lost’em — Boom — Outta here!’ (Brooklyn, NY)
A SPEED RACER stitched around gridlock on the BQE.
The motorist seemed dare cops as he held his cell phone up to catch the red and blue gumballs in the rearview mirror, hot on his tail.
At one point as the daredevil really turns on the turbos and silences the sirens.
Once in the clear, the speedster erupts, “Lost’em, lost’em. Boom! Outta here!”
And he wheels away to a victory lane of sorts and surely to go sip a glass bottle of milk.
▀ Bay Ridge: Mailman Dad Pinched For Producing 3-D Glocks
A GUN ENTHUSIAST and ex-convict who worked for the U.S. Postal Service was caught armed to the hilt under the roof of his toddler daughter.
Cops took the 40-year-old man’s door on 83rd Street near Fourth Ave. in Bay Ridge on the early morning of Feb. 4.
There they bagged a batch of freshly-fabricated 3D-printed ghost pistols (of various calibers and named as such because they are unregistered and difficult to trace) and modeled after the Austrian-made Glock pistol.
The raid amassed an actual factory-made Glock purchased legally out-of- state, five high-capacity magazines, 300 rounds of ammo, 10 unfinished frames, and a 3D printer, the criminal complaint states.
Following his bust, the suspect described himself to investigators as a gun buff, saying he enjoyed target shooting in Pennsylvania.
He’s not suspected of seeking to distribute the weapons.
The suspect was already treading on thing legal ice.
Back in 2018, the accused pleaded guilty for DWI.
He was formally brought up on charges of criminal possession of a firearm criminal possession of an assault rifle and possession of an ammo feed device.
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⬛ QUEENS
▀ Jamaica: Stick Shiner Busted Fapping In Subway Station Loo
A POOR SOUL committed masturbationem interruptus.
He had to use the little boy’s room at the Jamaica Center - Parsons/Archer Subway Station back on the afternoon of Feb 3.
Once inside to deal with the higher calling, the innocent was feted to a deviant putting on a solo show involving giving his “erect” joystick the personal tender care in the open, according to the criminal complaint.
THe suspect apparently didn’t even have the decency to take his self-pleasuring act to a stall in a public restroom.
It was all happening in the open for the unsuspecting witness to have his eyes stained for eternity.
The accused was later taken away and charged with public lewdness.
⬛ STATEN ISLAND
▀ Aspen Knolls: Hellraiser Hubby Beans Wife With Her Phone, Misses With Tossed Plate
HE FIRED AWAY at his better half.
A 46-year-old married man likely wished he could have his nuptials annulled.
The man lost his wits at around 6 a.m. on March 3 inside the home they share on Woodrow Road off End Place.
The morning started especially parlous for the pair.
WHatever got the man’s goat — the man was in war mode.
He allegedly took hold of his wife’s cell phone to start recording their loggerheads as evidence.
Then he allegedly fired it at the woman, striking her in the face.
But he wasn’t done.
Apparently the menu for breakfast wasn’t up to his five-course standards.
So he allegedly launched the plate at the woman too. But unlike the phone, his aim missed, shattering to pieces.
By this point the police were welcomed to join the wrecking ball and they took the haymaker into custody.
A judge imposed a temporary order of protection and he was freed without posting bail.
⬛ NYCTALGIC
▀ Doyers & Pell Streets — AKA ‘The Bloody Angle’ (Chinatown, NY) - 1900 / 2026
Then…
Now…
«SOURCE»
⬛ ‘OL SKULLDUGGERY
▀ Quack-A-Mole (New York, NY)
▀ Raiders Taking Over Town (New York, NY)
SOURCE: NY TIMES
⬛ ET. AL
▀ 6 Train Brakes Too Late (Union Square, NY)
«SOURCE»
▀ Subway Surfer Walk Of Shame (New York, NY)
«SOURCE»
▀ Jeffrey Epstein’s Brooklyn Classmate Reflects (New York, NY)
«SOURCE»
▀ Regretful Reverse (West Village, NY)
«SOURCE»
▀ Southpawed (Bronx, NY)
«SOURCE»
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*When perusing The Blotter, know that arrests do not constitute guilt, and all suspects are innocent until proven guilty. Moreover, the reported items are merely a snapshot of a criminal matter – what is known at the time of publishing. In most cases, the persons arrested for breaking the law haven’t been convicted (yet). It’s also possible that the charges brought against them may be reduced or even withdrawn.
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