A FAUX COP was caught trying to pawn off his cereal box toy badge on an actual detective. 

Sometimes you step in a pile of cow dung and other times it’s an elephant’s. For one 46-year-old wannabe member of service — he was swimming in excrement.

But he denies the accusations when presented with the details of the criminal complaint.

“No, no that’s not what happened,” he defended himself during an exclusive interview with The Blotter.

The suspected trickster was said to have marched towards a car parked on the corner of Beekman Street and Park Row back at around 2:30 p.m. on Sept. 13. 

He allegedly flashed a detective’s badge and commanded the driver, “Move your car!”

The driver wasn’t so quick to obey. 

Why? 

Because the man that the suspect attempted to coax into scramming from the street happened to be a real McCoy NYPD lieutenant. 

The plainclothes cop countered with a question of his own: asking if the man was a cop. 

“Yes,” the man allegedly answered, the papers say.

When the actual MOS inputted the man’s name through the department system — nobody with his name showed up. 

The cop then took hold of the suspect’s badge from his hand and instantly determined it to be a fugazi (oversized and lacking a badge number and bore the phrase “City of New York Police Detective” rather than the genuine “New York Police Department” detective badge. 

What’s more, the complaint notes that the hat worn in the suspect’s shoddy item bore a figure wearing a misshapen hat than the legitimate ones. 

Upon realizing the jig was up and his bogus badge and cop disguise exposed — the perp switched up and became contrite. 

“I'm so sorry,” the now lily-livered perp told the cop. “I only do this as a prank for social media.”

He added it was supposed to be all in good fun. 

After, all he claimed, “I bought the badge on Amazon."  

The cops took him into custody and he was brought up on  criminal impersonation of a public servant and possession of a forged instrument. 

When he spoke to The Blotter, the suspect argued the facts detailed in the writeup are grossly inaccurate. 

“I never said I was a police officer,” he maintains.

He also said that he’s gonna beat the rap. 

The man stated, “I'm sure you probably know that the prosecutor realized that there was a mistake, and they actually are gonna toss it out.” 

As of this writing, the suspect’s case remains docketed. 

ALL THE POOR kittens were tortured and suffering. 

A mean feline witch of a lady was found to have turned her back on seven cats living inside her Netherland Avenue home. 

Cops moved in the 65-year-old woman back on the morning of Sept. 30. 

They found the granny’s home to be in squalid conditions with extreme hoarding conditions. 

And there were six cats in the basement — three kept in cages suffering from starvation and lack of adequate water.  

The ASPCA took the animals to seek medical attention. 

Meanwhile the suspect was hit with neglect of an impounded animal and torture/not feeding an animal.

Breasts are among the most talked about and medically researched parts of the human body, yet many of us are embarrassed to discuss our breast health openly. 

Allure Perspectives, a new podcast hosted by Allure editor-in-chief Jessica Cruel, spends its first season exploring how breasts intersect with beauty, health, identity, sexuality, and culture. Episodes feature Olivia Munn on the test she says to take even if your mammogram is clear, sex educator Ericka Hart on reclaiming her body after breast cancer, and a Beverly Hills surgeon on why GLP-1s are driving a surge in breast lifts. All episodes available now.

Listen wherever you get podcasts.

HE WAS JUST looting. 

A salesperson saw a man enter the JC Penny and trot out with well over $100,000 worth of jewelry. 

The suspect, 64, entered the retail chain located on Gateway Drive back at around 5 p.m. on Sept. 8 hellbent on bilking bling. 

The suspect dismissed the offer of assistance by the salesperson and beelined straight to the jewelry displays. 

Witnesses spotted the man open the display cases and snatch several pieces of jewelry (tallying $132,791.45) and then scampering off.

Investigators pored over the CCTV footage and despite the deviant getting away — they netted him on Sept. 29. 

The perp was taken down for grand larceny (more than $50k), grand larceny (more than $3k), criminal possession of stolen property (worth more than $3k), grand larceny (worth more than $1k), and petit larceny.

It’s unclear if authorities were able to recover the hot jewelry.

THE DEMANDS WERE crystal: meet up with a perverted scumbag or be subjected to the humility of having a sex video exposed. 

A 20-year-old creep allegedly extorted his ex-girlfriend to reunite with him after sending her a video of one of their intimate encounters. 

The suspect allegedly sent the woman a text during the afternoon of Aug. 31. 

It featured the two of them naked while having sex. 

His missive prefaced: “If you do not meet up with me, I will send this video to other people.”

Cops caught onto the consequential ultimatum and on Sept. 15, the perp was picked up and charged with unlawful surveillance (for sexual arousal).

A DRUNK DUNCE tried to peel away in someone else’s Toyota. 

The 33-year-old was hammered on booze back on the morning of Sept. 13. 

He allegedly hopped into a gray 2001 Toyota Camry and was about to punch the gas. 

But before he could, the car’s owner leaped onto the car and held onto it to try and stop him from going anywhere. 

But the inebriated imbecile kept driving, and dragged the owner with it. 

The owner ultimately fell off the moving car and suffered several scrapes and cuts — especially to the knee. 

Cops nabbed the perp and after a sobriety test determined he was as soused as a turpentine tin. 

He was taken down for reckless endangerment, DWI, reckless driving, and driving while ability impaired.

A MAN IS being sought for drawing and firing a piece at a 20-year-old man in the leg.

The perp struck at around 7 p.m. on Oct. 19 outside a building on Gates Avenue and Marcus Garvey Boulevard.

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SOMEONE’S HOMING BIRD was found and so far nobody has claimed…

Is this bird anyone’s lost pet ?
I am unsure if this is someone’s pet bird or it happens to be a wild bird? This bird has been on my balcony for the past few days. I want to go on the balcony but fear this bird will fly inside my house once I open the door. Is this anyone’s missing pet bird ?

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Handicap Sniper?

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Two For One?

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*When perusing The Blotter, know that arrests do not constitute guilt, and all suspects are innocent until proven guilty. Moreover, the reported items are merely a snapshot of a criminal matter – what is known at the time of publishing. In most cases, the persons arrested for breaking the law haven’t been convicted (yet). It’s also possible that the charges brought against them may be reduced or even withdrawn.

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