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THE BLOTTER
ISSUE № 00127 — 05-13-26
BY: M.L. Nestel
Illustration by Rob Weiss
The Blotter.* A roundup of happenings in Gotham’s mean streets (and from time to time the tri-state region). Each item provides a staticky glimpse into the sleepless city’s peripheral misdemeanors, felonies, and misadventures.
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⬛ MANHATTAN
▀ Upper East Side: Oily Gourmand Nabbed For Bilking Five-Star Bistro
A HUNGRY IGNORAMOUS tried to put the pre-fix on a posh eatery.
The 62-year-old man was dining at Rothscild Tel Aviv on Lexington Avenue off East 78th Avenue back on the evening of April 27.
Authorities say the man gobbled all kinds of chow off the menu (where dishes at the joint billing itself as a “casual upscale Mediterranean kosher restaurant” are so sky high that prices aren’t even shown).
In fact, he ordered not only food, but also drinks and dessert.
When the bill was left with the perp — it totaled $123.
And then the stuffed trickster claimed he was in the poorhouse.
Indeed, the perp claimed he was hard up on funds and even told cops he was on vacation away from his homeless shelter base near Los Angeles’ Skid Row district.
The suspect was charged with failure to pay based on stealth (dine and dash) then given housing at the 19th Precinct where some of the wealthiest zip codes reside.
⬛ THE BRONX
▀ Eastchester: Drag Race Meet Ends Extra Hot
A STREET TAKEOVER had party-crashing cops hitting the brakes on the marauding motorheads.
The rowdy revelers and their muscle cars were doing their worst at the intersection of Pickney and Hollers Avenues back at around 2:30 a.m. on May 10.
The excessively loud car meetup and drag racing antics were quickly muzzled when cops crashed it.
loaded firearm, possession of ammo and aggravated unlicensed operator of a motor vehicle.
Seven of the culpable car crooks tattooing the asphalt and hindering the ozone — were nabbed.
Then they found pistols — two of them and fully loaded — in the cars.
One of the now carless souls, 23, was hit with criminal possession of a loaded firearm, possession of ammo and aggravated unlicensed operator of a motor vehicle.
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⬛ BROOKLYN
▀ Prospect Heights: Goon Ganks Man For Gizmo
ONE WONDERS IF thieves are so desperate nowadays that it’s not safe for anyone to be out in public with a phone in hand.
A man learned the hard way.
He was accosted while walking along Prospect Place and Bedford Avenue at around 11:45 a.m. on April 6.
Authorities say a 58-year-old punk snuck up on the victim and then hammered him with a flurry of punches.
For his souvenir, he snatched the man’s phone that had been held in his hand.
He then scurried off with the stolen cell.
It wasn’t long before vulture was netted.
Cops pinched the perp (these devices are trackable after all, but the dimwit thieves wouldn’t no anybody) and he was charged with robbery, grand larceny from a person, assault, petit larceny, and criminal possession of stolen property.
⬛ QUEENS
▀ Corona: John Caught Propositioning Sex To Undercover He Thought Was A Hooker
A HORNDOG SURE picked the wrong gal to court.
Roaming around on Roosevelt Avenue back around noon on April 2 — the 41-year-old mope scouted for a quick romp.
And he thought he found one. But beyond being a bleeding heart hoping to score, the john was also hoping to squeeze everything out of his cash.
So when he approached a woman for the hookup, he tried to barter for a discount.
They agreed on a $80 price tag to go all the way, the man must have thought he lucked on an extra toy in the Cracker Jack box.
Only the woman was undercover.
So it was a long night at booking for the sap who was arraigned on patronizing a person for prostitution.
⬛ STATEN ISLAND
▀ Etingville: Smuggler Dinged With Nearly 100 Cartons Of Stampless Smokes
THE SHIT BOX of a car wasn’t enough to cloak the chicanery.
A 20-year-old man was busted muling stacks of cigarettes.
Armed with a warrant, investigators on the morning of Feb. 9, pounced on the suspect who was allegedly transporting the cigarettes “bearing Virginia stamps”, according to the criminal complaint.
In sum, there were 88 cartons of the cigarettes that were found stowed in both a duffel bag as well as the trunk of the suspect’s golden Honda sedan.
The perp was hauled away and nailed for shirking cigarette and tobacco tax, and possession of sale of untaxed cigarettes.
⬛ [SIC] CITY
▀ Summer Concert Extravaganza May Not Be Suitable For Pets (Bronx, NY)
WHEN THE ILLUSTRIOUS New York Philharmonic decamps from Lincoln Center for the Boogie Down for a show — there will be fireworks.
But the free extravaganza slated for June 9 in Van Cortlandt Park in Woodlawn where the orchestra will be performing Saint-Saëns’s exciting Cello Concerto No. 1 among other numbers could be too much crescendo for the the denizens’ furry friends.
The 10 p.m. fireworks show expected to last five minutes at the end of the performance might be especially aggravated.
"Unexpected loud noise, including fireworks, can raise the stress level and trigger a fear response for animals and pets," a memo that circulated April 28 memo from the philharmonic to the community reads.
It continued: "Our priority is to ensure that as many pet and animal owners are aware of the time and location of fireworks."
The memo makes mention of frayed nerves caused by loud music.
The philharmonic plans a five borough tour of free performances in various parks between June 4 and June 8 (all with fireworks “rain or shine” with one exception: a concert in Staten Island will spare pets of any woes because it will be held indoors.
⬛ WANTED V. NABBED
▀ Karate Kook (Queens, NY)
⬛ EVIDENCE ART
▀ Unstrapped (New York, NY)
THREE ILLICIT PISTOLS were inventoried following police actions.
▀ Trap House Shuttered (Bronx, NY)
NARCOS PAID A house call to 69 West 164th Street where there was a jackpot of a junk.
The 9:15 a.m. May 7 raid saw 30 agents rush through Apartment 2.
Two perps, Eduardo Salinas (found upstairs) and Jonathan Franco (in a ground floor flat), were cuffed.
Their suspected 2.5 keys (over five pounds) of cocaine, ketamine, and MDMA, 30 pounds of psilocybin mushrooms, and over 100 pounds of marijuana (not to mention $85,000 in profits) — all stashed in the three-bedroom duplex was also seized.
HAUL: Large quantities of psilocybin mushrooms and marijuana were allegedly out in the open. A metal crate in the upstairs hallway near the bedrooms contained large quantities of marijuana, including bulk quantities in clear bags and numerous individual packets, including edibles. A kilogram of cocaine (over two pounds) was allegedly inside a closet in the office, more than 1.5 kilograms of ketamine (over three pounds), and MDMA in pill and powder form were also in the room. Stacks of cash bound in rubber bands totaling approximately $85,000 were neatly stacked on a desk near a money counting machine inside the office.
RAPS: Criminal possession of a controlled substance
⬛ ET. AL
▀ D Train Gets Bombing Treatment (New York, NY)
«SOURCE»
▀ Bodega Blazing (Bronx, NY)
«SOURCE»
▀ Gotham’s Busy Bees’ Colonization Disrupted (New York, NY)
THE NYPD apparently boasts two beekeepers in its ranks. From a 2018 snippet, the department confirmed as much. 'Now that beekeeping has been becoming more of a new thing for New York City—people are having rooftop bees, balcony bees, bees in the parks—we’re faced with the challenges of: what if they swarm off?'"
And last year more profile on the beekeeping crimefighters…
«SOURCE»
▀ Canal Street Copycats Crackdown (New York, NY)
«SOURCE»
▀ Speed Racers (New York, NY)
«SOURCE»
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*When perusing The Blotter, know that arrests do not constitute guilt, and all suspects are innocent until proven guilty. Moreover, the reported items are merely a snapshot of a criminal matter – what is known at the time of publishing. In most cases, the persons arrested for breaking the law haven’t been convicted (yet). It’s also possible that the charges brought against them may be reduced or even withdrawn.
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