IT’S LIKE A Brinks truck in a box. 

A 51-year-old glutton ganked a FedEx package with beaucoup riches inside it. 

It was around 10:30 a.m. on June 3 when the looter slipped into the building located on Canal Street and Church Street. 

He was surveilled on camera snatching a FedEx parcel that happened to contain Nikos Koulis earrings and rings worth upwards of $60,000. 

The artist’s work is prominently sold at posh retailers like Neiman Marcas and Saks Fifth Avenue. 

The Bronx woman was busted the same day — about 11 hours later. 

She was hit with grand larceny. 

The recent blight adds to a long list of unheralded arrests including ripping off a Target (stuffing choice cut steaks into his jacket) and trying to sneak out the doors.

A WOMAN SNARLED the subway system and snatched however many lives a dog has when she decided to taunt the Grim Reaper. 

At around 3:30 a.m. on Aug. 1, the 36-year-old unhinged woman was seen reclining back on the 6 train tracks at the subway station located on East 138th Street and Third Avenue. 

When cops arrived they found the woman clutching a dog in her arms. 

The officers ordered the woman to extricate. 

But she came in contact with the ever dangerous third rail — and killed the dog. 

She was determined to be unharmed and taken into custody and given a psych evaluation at a local hospital. 

The woman was then leveled with aggravated cruelty to animals, reckless endangerment, and criminal trespassing raps. 

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AN HOSTILE PUT his hands on a woman and ragdolled her around an apartment. 

It was around 10.m. on June 6 when the woman, 65, says the 35-year-old suspect tangled with the woman. 

She claims the goon “put his hands on me” and also was “pushing me down to the floor,” according to the criminal complaint.

The fiend continued to inflict more hurt. 

Cops learned that the perp continued “wrestling [me] down to the ground, taking my phone, [and ] cussing me out.”

The attacker, according to the woman, continued “cussing me out and telling me I can’t do anything about the abuse.”

He then “tossed me around the kitchen.”

The suspect was wrangled four days later and slapped with assault, robbery, petit larceny, and harassment.

A LOUSE DECIDED to slap and shove a woman before making threats to ward off her calling the cops. 

The abuse allegedly began back on March 4. 

That’s when authorities say the 55-year-old gutless soul pushed a woman to the floor and slapped her face. 

When the beaten victim threatened to call the police, the pugilist perp retorted, “If you call the police, I will call ICE and you have to go home.”

He continued, “And I will keep the baby.”

Fear apparently took hold of the woman’s faculties and she refrained from reaching out to the proper authorities. 

Months past by. 

On July 10, the suspect appeared to make threats against the woman when he learned she had accepted a ride from a male companion. 

In a text, the covetous deviant wrote her: “You are bad to let the idiot drop you off on my block,” it read. “I will kill you and the man.”

He then proceeded to send her pics of the male friend’s car. 

That same night, authorities learned the brute shoved the woman around again and he pulled a knife out from a dresser and hissed, “If you think I am going let you kill me and fight me–”

This time the cops were summoned. 

And the not so tough was brought up on coercion (immigration status), assault, menacing (with a weapon), and aggravated harassment (threat).

HE SURE PICKED the wrong car to torch. 

A 32-year-old man allegedly came clean shortly after turning an unmarked NYPD Radio Motor Patrol (RMP) into ash. 

It was shortly before 4 a.m. on July 12 when the suspect set the 2014 Taurus parked on Edgewater Street alight — causing it to “char and melt,” the criminal complaint suggests. 

He was quickly captured and allegedly sang about his wrongs. 

“I am — I did this,” he was said to have confessed. “I did the fire. Yeah, I did the fire.”

He now gets to look deep into himself as he was taken down for 

arson (intentionally damage property) criminal mischief (damage motor vehicle), and criminal mischief (damage property).

DET. JOSEPH PETROSINO was slain overseas. His untimely death marked the first time an American law enforcement was taken out by the Mafia.

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IT MIGHT SEEM like an “adrenaline rush” but behind the thrills are dangers… low-hanging beams as tight as one-foot.

and the proverbial third rail which is carries 675 volts.

All of it is to say — straphangers: “Ride inside, stay alive.”

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*When perusing The Blotter, know that arrests do not constitute guilt, and all suspects are innocent until proven guilty. Moreover, the reported items are merely a snapshot of a criminal matter – what is known at the time of publishing. In most cases, the persons arrested for breaking the law haven’t been convicted (yet). It’s also possible that the charges brought against them may be reduced or even withdrawn.

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