AS FAR AS stickup artists go — this punk might need a remedial course.

A 48-year-old woman was allegedly trying to score some quick cash by shaking down a person outside the China Wok restaurant.

It was broad daylight — 3:15 p.m. on Jan. 7, a 35-year-old man was confronted by the woman just outside the eatery located on Lenox Avenue and West 133rd Street.

“Give me your money,” she allegedly ordered while holding a knife to the man.

The targeted suspect refused to forfeit any cash or valuables.

Without gaining a cent, the lousy criminal took off. But cops reeled her in and she was charged with robbery with a dangerous instrument.

When they searched the woman they were unable to recover the knife.

But they soon learned that she was already a wanted fugitive for a Dec. 21 crime for petit larceny, also in Harlem.

HE WAS DESPERATE for dough.

A downtrodden deviant allegedly cornered a man outside the YMCA on 229th Street.

The 18-year-old goon struck at around 7:15 p.m. on Dec. 29. That’s when he allegedly pulled a knife out on his mark and demanded, “Give me everything you got!”

The man dropped the phone on the ground and took off running.

That had the suspect collecting the consolation prize and try to flee.

But he might as well have gotten a bullseye tattooed on his chest because the phone was tracked and his whereabouts were easily found and he was scooped up by the police.

Once in custody, the accused allegedly confirmed the theft.

“I took the phone for money,” he told the police, adding, “I’m broke.”

The pauper was hit with robbery, grand larceny, menacing, petit larceny, and weapons possession.

A SIMPLE BUMP at the subway turnstile kindled a raged slashing. 

Two men were attempting to hop on an R train at the 54th Street and 4th Avenue subway station at around 1 p.m. on Dec. 29. 

A 33-year-old traveler told cops he incidentally bumped into the other, a 26-year-old, leading to a heated dispute on the mezzanine level. 

The war of words had the younger man who was nudged ever so slightly to take out a boxcutter and gash his new enemy on his face and chest. 

Medics took the cut victim to NYU Langone Brooklyn Hospital for treatment. 

But before he was sewn up — he was able to debrief officers with a detailed description of his overreacting nut. 

The details helped cops track down the perp and recover the blood-stained boxcutter. 

He was brought up on assault, menacing, weapons possession, and harassment.

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FOR HAULING big baggies of blow, he sure was cavalier manning the steering wheel.

At around 3:45 p.m. on Dec. 29, a 44-year-old man was busted driving in a grey Nissan Altima.

While motoring along Springfield Boulevard and 115th Avenue the suspect caught the eye of cops by flipping a wild U-turn.

The perp allegeldy crossed over the solid yellow-lined pavement, according to the criminal complaint.

A detail pursued the less than prudent driver and affected a traffic stop.

It was then that they learned the man was stowing a black bag filled with two Ziploc bags of cocaine (more than eight ounces) along with a stash of marijuana.

He was dinged for possessing the heavyweight of coke and also cited for making the illegal U-turn.

A SUSPECTED DOPE pusher was nabbed pushing coke and crack twice to undercovers.

The 39-year-old was taken away on Jan. 6, after allegedly tendering two deals being watched by the po-po.

The first sale of coke took place in October. And the second deal was made in November involving crack.

Cops moved in on the suspect at his alleged territory and fitted the perp in bracelets.

Once in custody, cops searched him learned he had been safekeeping white pills marked “230” in his shoe.

When pressed about the provenance of the pills, the perp allegedly admitted he lacked a legitimate prescription.

But he didn’t hesitate to place blame on his mommy who apparently was into popping painkillers.

“I have an Oxy in my shoe,” he allegedly volunteered. “My mom has a prescription for them.”

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THE DETAINEE’S TROUSERS kept dropping while three uniforms had hands on him. The timing wasn’t ideal. Nor was the fact that the suspect lacked a proper belt to hold up his dignity — as the cops gave up pulling them above his waist and they ultimately fell to the ankles, leaving him to expose his skivvies to the elements and onlookers.

DETAINEE is being propped up by two hulking uniformed NYPD officers with a more spry colleague holding the rear of the man.

AS they stand next to him with their arms holding the man in place — his trousers keep falling to his ankles.

At one point a cop tries to lift them up. Like digging dry sand — they fall again.

The stopped man shouts as if protesting the situation as duty calls.

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*When perusing The Blotter, know that arrests do not constitute guilt, and all suspects are innocent until proven guilty. Moreover, the reported items are merely a snapshot of a criminal matter – what is known at the time of publishing. In most cases, the persons arrested for breaking the law haven’t been convicted (yet). It’s also possible that the charges brought against them may be reduced or even withdrawn.

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