A FAUX COP was caught trying to pawn off his cereal box toy badge on an actual detective. 

Sometimes you step in a pile of cow dung and other times it’s an elephant’s. For one 46-year-old wannabe member of service — he was swimming in excrement.

But he denies the accusations when presented with the details of the criminal complaint.

“No, no that’s not what happened,” he defended himself during an exclusive interview with The Blotter.

The suspected trickster was said to have marched towards a car parked on the corner of Beekman Street and Park Row back at around 2:30 p.m. on Sept. 13. 

He allegedly flashed a detective’s badge and commanded the driver, “Move your car!”

The driver wasn’t so quick to obey. 

Why? 

Because the man that the suspect attempted to coax into scramming from the street happened to be a real McCoy NYPD lieutenant. 

The plainclothes cop countered with a question of his own: asking if the man was a cop. 

“Yes,” the man allegedly answered, the papers say.

When the actual MOS inputted the man’s name through the department system — nobody with his name showed up. 

The cop then took hold of the suspect’s badge from his hand and instantly determined it to be a fugazi (oversized and lacking a badge number and bore the phrase “City of New York Police Detective” rather than the genuine “New York Police Department” detective badge. 

What’s more, the complaint notes that the hat worn in the suspect’s shoddy item bore a figure wearing a misshapen hat than the legitimate ones. 

Upon realizing the jig was up and his bogus badge and cop disguise exposed — the perp switched up and became contrite. 

“I'm so sorry,” the now lily-livered perp told the cop. “I only do this as a prank for social media.”

He added it was supposed to be all in good fun. 

After, all he claimed, “I bought the badge on Amazon."  

The cops took him into custody and he was brought up on  criminal impersonation of a public servant and possession of a forged instrument. 

When he spoke to The Blotter, the suspect argued the facts detailed in the writeup are grossly inaccurate. 

“I never said I was a police officer,” he maintains.

He also said that he’s gonna beat the rap. 

The man stated, “I'm sure you probably know that the prosecutor realized that there was a mistake, and they actually are gonna toss it out.” 

As of this writing, the suspect’s case remains docketed. 

SHE’S NOT EARNING employee of the month. 

A ridiculously disgruntled staffer at an eyelash beauty salon went gangster on her superior by blindfolding her and the going to town on her noggin like a speed bag. 

The perp, 46, was inside the West 31st Street shop at around 9 p.m. on Sept. 17, the criminal complaint reads.  

The manager lost her sight when her employee allegedly blindfolded her and informed she was not permitted to leave. 

And that if she tried any fast moves — she would regret it. 

“If you move, I will hurt you,” the woman warned.

And yet, she hurt her boss anyway, the papers say. 

“Repeatedly” the suspect clocked the manager of the salon with a mysterious “hard object” and also punched her about her head and body. 

The continuous barrage of attacks continued through the night until the morning. 

At around 11:30 a.m. the calvary arrived and took the demonic worker into custody and disarmed her of “two large knives”. 

She was hauled off and hit with kidnapping, assault, attempted assault, and weapons possession.

A WOMAN GOT dolled up and then allegedly tried ducking the bill. 

The woman entered the hair salon on Sept. 12. She sought and was treated to the works of a haircut by a stylist. 

But after the work was done, staffers saw the woman “stand up and exit” the salon without paying. 

Cops were called and snared the haircut heister. 

Pressed why she fled before squaring away with the tab — she allegedly confessed simply, “I couldn’t pay for it.”

She was pinched for theft of service (dine and dash) beauty salon/barber.

AN EARLY MORNING standoff saw a triggerman blasting three people. 

The 48-year-old suspect was pinched on Sept. 21 for going postal on East 233rd Street early morning on Aug. 23. 

The maniac allegedly fired several rounds that struck three people: a 17-year-old boy took a shot to the back of the head, a 20-year-old woman took one sluf to the foot, and a 22-year-old man was hit in the chest. 

All but the teen were spared any mortal-threatening wound.

The teen was listed in critical condition after he was brought to be admitted at Bronx Care Health System.

The others were taken to Jacobi Medical Center. 

Once in custody, the suspect was formally charged with murder, manslaughter and criminal possession of a weapon.

ALL THE POOR kittens were tortured and suffering. 

A mean feline witch of a lady was found to have turned her back on seven cats living inside her Netherland Avenue home. 

Cops moved in the 65-year-old woman back on the morning of Sept. 30. 

They found the granny’s home to be in squalid conditions with extreme hoarding conditions. 

And there were six cats in the basement — three kept in cages suffering from starvation and lack of adequate water.  

The ASPCA took the animals to seek medical attention. 

Meanwhile the suspect was hit with neglect of an impounded animal and torture/not feeding an animal.

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HE DREW A lot of heat. 

A 36-year-old man was booming music at the Brooklyn Junction subway stop just before noon on Oct. 6. 

The impromptu concert on the subway mezzanine emanating from the man’s speaker that he was hosting caused enough commuters to be annoyed. 

That had the suspect pull a switchblade knife to any Statler and Waldorfs out there. 

Cops were called to intervene. 

Officers approached the knife wielding amateur DJ and searched his person. 

They found the switchblade and in his backpack there was a loaded Point .22 Caliber Taurus TX pistol along with a magazine that was loaded with seven live .22 caliber rounds. 

That prompted an arrest. 

When questioned why he had both weapons, the accused allegedly blamed it on the violent streets. 

“Know how it is in Brooklyn,” he told them. “I can't you know.”

He was booked for criminal possession of a loaded firearm, possession of a weapon (knife), and disorderly conduct.

A DEVIANT WAS busted Mad Maxing it around town and then after blowing through a red light — pulled over and was caught tossing weapons. 

And all of that was before he allegedly hurt a police cat.

The 31-year-old accused was tooling all ocer the roadway back at around 11:15 p.m. on Oct. 4. 

A detail quickly took notice and gave chase. 

That led to the officers seeing the motorcyclist rider reach high rates of speed and force several car drivers to weave out of the way. 

He also allegedly ignored a red light. 

The cat-and-mouse ended when the cops affected a stop. 

But when the did, the officers allegedly saw the suspect toss his backpack. 

When they recovered it they found a stun gun, a long-bladed knife, and a mace canister. 

The road warrior put up quite the resistance. But he was finally brought under. 

The officer brought him to the 71st Precinct and it was there when cops say he kicked an enclosure that held a cat. 

That cruel kick caused the cat to suffer a laceration. 

This meant that beyond the red light violation, reckless driving, resisting arrest charges — he also was hit with torture of an animal.

HE WAS JUST looting. 

A salesperson saw a man enter the JC Penny and trot out with well over $100,000 worth of jewelry. 

The suspect, 64, entered the retail chain located on Gateway Drive back at around 5 p.m. on Sept. 8 hellbent on bilking bling. 

The suspect dismissed the offer of assistance by the salesperson and beelined straight to the jewelry displays. 

Witnesses spotted the man open the display cases and snatch several pieces of jewelry (tallying $132,791.45) and then scampering off.

Investigators pored over the CCTV footage and despite the deviant getting away — they netted him on Sept. 29. 

The perp was taken down for grand larceny (more than $50k), grand larceny (more than $3k), criminal possession of stolen property (worth more than $3k), grand larceny (worth more than $1k), and petit larceny.

It’s unclear if authorities were able to recover the hot jewelry.

AN ESPECIALLY UNENCUMBERED perv waltzed into a Burlington Coat Factory store and attempted to stroke himself before grossed out witnesses and then offed a store scanner. 

The 59-year-old suspect certainly left an impression on the security detailed at the Atlantic Avenue-based Burlington and pennysaving patrons back on the early evening of Sept. 9. 

He was seen entering the store and quickly lowered his pants and then began rubbing and tugging himself before store security and customers. 

Then when he was apparently finished, he went on the offensive and took out one of the scanners. 

The total tally of the destroyed scanner was $2,000. However the damage that he did to those in his vicinity as he was going to town performing his erotic one man act — may never fully be able to account. 

Cops weren’t able to get the self-lover that day. 

They did catch up to him on Sept. 22 where he was summarily nailed for  criminal mischief, public lewdness, and exposure of a person.

A SCRAPPER DUELING on the street with a rival took special umbrage against a Good Sam attempting to document it and also break it up. 

The 25-year-old went to war against the peacemaker who had trailed him while he was walloping a man on Northern and Parsons Boulevards on July 25. 

A 65-year-old passer-by decided to make it his business to step in and stop the beatdown. 

This only aggravated his attacker. 

What’s more, the elder was documenting the incident with his cell phone. 

The bruiser turned on the old man and belted at him and then slapped the phone out of his hand and it fell to the ground and cracked. 

He then chased him down and gave him a pounding all over his body and face. 

Once netted by cops, the suspect was questioned about his fury he unleashed on both men. 

“The older guy came and started recording us,” he allegedly told investigators, according to the criminal complaint. “And I didn’t like it so I knocked it off his hand.”

But he didn’t explain why he clobbered the old man.

THE DEMANDS WERE crystal: meet up with a perverted scumbag or be subjected to the humility of having a sex video exposed. 

A 20-year-old creep allegedly extorted his ex-girlfriend to reunite with him after sending her a video of one of their intimate encounters. 

The suspect allegedly sent the woman a text during the afternoon of Aug. 31. 

It featured the two of them naked while having sex. 

His missive prefaced: “If you do not meet up with me, I will send this video to other people.”

Cops caught onto the consequential ultimatum and on Sept. 15, the perp was picked up and charged with unlawful surveillance (for sexual arousal).

A DRUNK DUNCE tried to peel away in someone else’s Toyota. 

The 33-year-old was hammered on booze back on the morning of Sept. 13. 

He allegedly hopped into a gray 2001 Toyota Camry and was about to punch the gas. 

But before he could, the car’s owner leaped onto the car and held onto it to try and stop him from going anywhere. 

But the inebriated imbecile kept driving, and dragged the owner with it. 

The owner ultimately fell off the moving car and suffered several scrapes and cuts — especially to the knee. 

Cops nabbed the perp and after a sobriety test determined he was as soused as a turpentine tin. 

He was taken down for reckless endangerment, DWI, reckless driving, and driving while ability impaired.

THEIR TINTED WINDOWS did them in. 

A pair riding in a a black 2026 Tesla Model Y with essentially casino windows were busted with an assortment of guns and ammo. 

Cops initiated a stop at around 7:30 p.m. on Aug. 31 while they approached the intersection of Maplewood Place and Hyland Boulevard. 

The cops cuffed the 23-year-old driver and his passenger, a 20-year-old man, and then took a peek around the car and discovered guns and various rounds of ammo, magazines all strewn about the floor. 

Each was formally charged with weapons possession, ammunition feeding devices possession and ammunition possession.

SHE HAD A thing for plastic. 

A 58-year-old alleged con woman was nabbed after allegedly using another person’s intel to open an American Express account and then went wild with her spending.

On July 21, authorities say the suspect used another woman’s name and email to secure the credit card. 

She then took the card and made a series of purchases tallying $3,000. 

Among them she allegedly used the Amex card to buy goods and services. 

She made purchases at Euphoria jewelry store, I’ll Be Seeing You Optical. 

She also used it to pay for a $1,351.60 spa day at Butterfly Aesthetics where they preach facial fillers. 

And $7,500 to pay for her attorney. 

And when the jig was up and she was wearing cuffs and led out from her Lincoln Avenue home, she allegedly preached about the same legal counsel paid for with another person’s money. 

“I have a lawyer,” she boasted and then named him. 

The woman was taken down for identity theft, grand larceny, and petit larceny.

A CITI BIKE rider is being pursued after ripping off a man who was trying to hail a cab.

The suspect targeted the 41-year-old man standing on Jerome Avenue just before 3 a.m. on Oct. 2.

He allegeldy pulled a knife and threatened the cab seeker’s life unless he forked over his wallet.

The man handed the wallet but still suffered a punch and kick to his face.

The wallet contained credit cards, his ID, and $400.

The man was taken to a local hospital and stabilized.

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A TRIO RUNNING an operation that pushed a lot of blow was dismantled.

The less than discreet slingers were pinched and their two stash houses raided after selling product to undercovers from March until this month.

“These alleged drug dealers were flooding our communities with cocaine, putting countless lives at risk for their own profit. Eleven separate sales to an undercover are not isolated transactions. As alleged, this was a deliberate, sustained operation fueled by suppliers and a seller who kept coming back for more. Drug traffickers who put our community at risk by selling poison should know that we will investigate, we will prosecute and we will shut you down.” -Suffolk County District Attorney Raymond Tierney

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*When perusing The Blotter, know that arrests do not constitute guilt, and all suspects are innocent until proven guilty. Moreover, the reported items are merely a snapshot of a criminal matter – what is known at the time of publishing. In most cases, the persons arrested for breaking the law haven’t been convicted (yet). It’s also possible that the charges brought against them may be reduced or even withdrawn.

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