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THE BLOTTER EXTRA! EXTRA!
ISSUE № 00238 — 09-18-26
BY: M.L. Nestel
Graphic by Melissa Eiler
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Please, please, please… with sugar on top…
⬛ MANHATTAN
▀ Midtown: Wrong Way Driver Caught Dragging Cop Through Times Square
THE POOR DRIVER decided he wasn’t interested in answering questions about why he veered his BMW X3 into one-way traffic.
It was around 3 a.m. on Sept. 12 when the perp, 28, was riding the wrong way along 7th Avenue.
The cops made an approach as the suspect reached West 47th Street.
Rather than strain his brain cells to make sense of the clown car antics, the dipshit punched the gas and dragged the quizzing cop a good stretch of asphalt before he tumbled.
Fortunately, the officer didn’t suffer serious injuries.
The beamer punk appeared to have made his escape.
However, cops collared him at around 1:30 p.m. that same day.
He was slapped with assault.
⬛ THE BRONX
▀ Grand Concourse: Sobbing Woman Caught Threatening To Torch Boyfriend’s Home Reprieved By Judge Who Tells Her ‘You Can’t Continue With This’
A WOMAN WAS reduced to sobs when she appeared before a judge after violating an order of protection.
The 48-year-old woman scoffed the order that had been put into place after she had been caught last September threatening to burn down her boyfriend’s apartment.
The woman first found herself in the cops’ crosshairs on Aug. 18, when she was was busted for a domestic incident that involved menacing a person with a weapon.
Three days later, the same woman was discovered breeching the order when she was found inside the same beau’s home,
At her arraignment for criminal contempt (disobey court order of protection), the woman’s boyfriend was present in the gallery and was ordered to scram.
That caused the handcuffed woman to start breaking down in tears.
The judge expressed dismay.
"You can't continue with this,” the judge stated. “He was here. Maybe he loves you, maybe he doesn't — I don't know.”
She continued, “Whether you're a victim or a perpetrator you need counseling. It's a bad cycle.
“You are worth something and you shouldn't be in a relationship like this."
The judge saw that the crying suspect be freed with a warning to steer clear of her boyfriend’s apartment.
And if she were to return to retrieve her possessions she must do so with a police escort.
The woman’s case was referred to a domestic violence court part for educational, alternative to jail program.
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⬛ BROOKLYN
▀ Clinton Hill: Tuna Can Crook Rough Up Grocery Worker ‘I Can Kill Him And We Can Just Run!’
SOME EARTH LOVING diehards were willing to draw blood for a can of sustainably wild caught tuna.
There’s something in those canse of line-caught fish that can make men go sideways.
And perhaps that’s what happened here.
At around 12:30 p.m. on July 27, two men, ages 24 and 25, entered a Wholesome Farms Market located on Fulton Street.
They pilfered various goods including a Pringles canister, a Poland Spring water bottle, a bottle of Tabasco hot sauce, and that fetching One Safe Catch tuna can.
‘Let’s run!’
-Shoplifting suspect shouted when they were cornered by hero gourmet market clerks
The perps attempted to beeline it to the exit without paying a dime for the goods, according to the criminal complaint.
When their heist was found out, a worker attempted to intervene.
“Let’s run,” shrieked the older perp.
Then he reached for a glass bottle and held it at the hero clerk.
He snapped, “I can kill him and we can just run.”
The victim lunged backward the perp swung at him with the bottle.
But in dodging the attempt, the clerk sprained his toe.
‘I can kill him and we can just run.’
-Desperate shoplifter shouted during their tuna and Tabasco theft went south
The thieves then tried to flee and were thwarted by coworkers.
One of them stood in front of them before they could reach the door.
That had the younger of the suspects shove the worker aside, causing her to suffer sprained fingers and chipped nail, the papers say.
Both men were nabbed and taken down for robbery (with a dangerous weapon), assault of a retail worker, menacing, petit larceny, and criminal possession of stolen property.
▀ Bushwick: Sicko Brazenly Snared Sending Dick Pics From Police Precinct To Grossed Out Recipients
BY ALL ACCOUNTS the swiftest way to find yourself on the wrong side of the law is to break it while you’re already in the solar plexus of the law.
A 31-year-old zero was apparently at the 81st Precinct (located on Ralph Avenue) back on Aug. 12, the criminal complaint reads.
It was there that the suspect, the papers detail, beamed out XXX pics.
They featured his penis being “touching” a woman’s mouth.
And he send them to “multiple phone numbers”.
Cops were alerted to the lewd sexts and brought him up on charges.
He was hit with unlawful publication of an intimate image and harassment.
▀ Bedford-Stuyvesant: ‘I’m Hungry!’: Famished Fiend Plows Into Mother’s Home, Roughs Her Up, Kicks In Police Car’s Door
A RABBLEROUSER RAVAGED a mother’s home demanding food scraps.
When she cracked her front door to offer the stranger something to eat — the deviant bumrushed through it then slapped around the selfless woman in front of her kids and swiped her valuables.
Minuted before 1:30 a.m. the perp, 28, showed up wailing like a banshee at the woman’s home located on Throop Avenue.
“I’m hungry,” he jeered.
The mother, who was with her children ages 1 and 14, fetched some grub to offer and when she offered it through the slightly ajar door — the scumbag barged into the apartment.
He then slapped her around several times and appropriated her possessions.
He then bailed.
The cops caught up and cuffed him.
But when they took him in the car to head to the 70th Precinct, the accused went berserk and kicked in the doorhandle.
He was charged for burglary (causing injury), assault, criminal trespass, criminal mischief (damage property), and acting in a manner injurious to a child along with criminal mischief.
⬛ QUEENS
▀ Far Rockaway: Firestarting Kook Tries Bearhugging Fire Chief Blabbing ‘N---s Gonna Die’
A WHACKJOB THREATENING human existence was caught trying to burn down a public housing project.
“Everyone’s going to die,” he bellowed while gyrating his arms in tizzy towards FDNY chief who had arrived to suss out the blaze.
Sometime around 5:30 a.m. on Aug. 8, the 41-year-old firestarter was spotted setting a pile of rubbish alight inside the lobby of a public housing project on Beach Channel Drive and Beach 38th Street.
The perp continued tossing out sweet nothings to other firefighting personnel.
“N---s gonna die,” the pyro perp hollered at a fire captain.
Once they suspect was placed into custody he apparently didn’t deny the misdeeds.
“You can look at the cameras and see what I did,” he stated, the criminal complaint details. “It was just a little fire.”
And after confessing to the criminal kindling, the marauder experienced a spell of amnesia.
“I don’t really know much about last night,” he maintained. “It is what it is.
“Like I like I lit it on fire.”
The perp was nailed to the cross for arson, menacing, and reckless endangerment.
▀ Long Island City: Wolf Crier Busted For Fibbing About Being An ID Theft Victim
HE YODLED TO the skyscrapers about being taken for months by some dastardly deviants.
And then the investigators, after expending time and treasure to run down the claims made on the afternoon of Feb 4, they determined it was all hooey.
The 32-year-old was spindling a yarn the entire time.
He claimed that he had his Chase Bank account compromised from December of last year up until January.
He further tried to convince the cops that the usurpers of his account had run up tabs all over the place.
One of the incidents he flagged to authorities was a 2:30 a.m. chow run to Taco Bell located on 21st Street
He maintained the perp or perps hit the fast food joint and racked up a $10.97 tab for the repast.
But it backfired.
The cops secured surveillance footage form that early morning from the restaurant and determined the man in question was the same one filing the complaint.
That sent the foul crier had invented the entire matter.
He faces a charge of filing a false report for an incident that didn't happen.
⬛ STATEN ISLAND
▀ Tompkinsville / Oakwood Heights: Tagger Rearrested For Coffee And Tide Shoplifting
A GRAFFITI TAGGER was busted defacing a train station and then days later back in trouble of swiping goods from a supermarket.
The 53-year-old was first pinched back at around 11:45 p.m. on Aug. 7 for spraying “NT. 116” on the walls of the Staten Island Railway Station at Victory Boulevard.
He was brought up on criminal mischief and possession of graffiti instruments.
Perhaps he wasn’t suited to stay on the outside.
Because on Aug. 21, the same suspect made hay inside a Stop & Shop on Hylan Boulevard.
Authorities say he tried to steal two bags of coffee and a tub of Tide detergent.
His cloak and dagger attempts were especially inept and he was caught and arraigned on criminal possession of stolen property.
⬛ WANTED V. NABBED
▀ Beer Raiders Go Batshit On Batman Clerk (Bronx, NY)
A TRIO KNOCKED off a grocery for some suds. Then they knocked around the clerk who tried to stop them.
The three snatched beer from Botanical Market locate don Boston Road back on the night of Sept. 8.
The clerk attempted to prevent their escape and they gave him a thorough licking.
⬛ GOTHAM, INK.
▀ Marquee (Bronx, NY)
«SOURCE»
▀ TKTKTK ()
«SOURCE»
⬛ EVIDENCE ART
▀ Knife Fight Ends In Gun Takeaway (Ridgewood, NY)
⬛ NYCTALGIA
▀ Wilfred "Willie Boy" Johnson (New York, NY) - 1985
▀ East Village Beat (New York, NY)
«SOURCE»
⬛ ET. AL
▀ Bad Pass (New York, NY)
«SOURCE»
▀ Porch Pirate (Ozone Park, NY)
«SOURCE»
▀ Not-So-Slippery Suspect (New York, NY)
«SOURCE»
▀ Gleaming The Tube (New York, NY)
«SOURCE»
▀ Brooklyn Autobahn (Brooklyn, NY)
«SOURCE»
▀ No Chopper Zone? (New York, NY)
«SOURCE»
▀ Knockoff Knockaround (Chinatown, NY)
«SOURCE»
▀ Sidewalk Pursuit (New York, NY)
«SOURCE»
▀ Journal Squared (Jersey City, NJ)
«SOURCE»
«SOURCE»
▀ Hit And Run (Bronx, NY)
«SOURCE»
▀ Rush Hour Gamers (New York, NY)
«SOURCE»
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*When perusing The Blotter, know that arrests do not constitute guilt, and all suspects are innocent until proven guilty. Moreover, the reported items are merely a snapshot of a criminal matter – what is known at the time of publishing. In most cases, the persons arrested for breaking the law haven’t been convicted (yet). It’s also possible that the charges brought against them may be reduced or even withdrawn.
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The Blotter.* A roundup of happenings in Gotham’s mean streets (and from time to time the tri-state region). Each item provides a staticky glimpse into the sleepless city’s peripheral misdemeanors, felonies, and misadventures.
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